In two days it will be 2011. I can hardly believe we are entering into another year. So much has transpired this past year. As I reflect back I think of pivotal moments that stirred or changed things in my heart. The first starting with me practicing blogging and then the list of life events began: my grandmother passed way, our middle son graduated from boot camp, I started a new job, my second book was published, I went to Mexico with 3 of my 4 children, our oldest son enlisted in the army, my dads health began to fail, my youngest turned 16, my daughter changed colleges.
These memories are frozen in time inside of me. I can recall each day clearly and I can summon up the emotion that is attached to the event as if it were yesterday. The tears of loss, the goodbyes and fears along with the joys of success, victories and triumphs. I rejoice in prayers answered and new roads taken and I tremble with the unknown for my soldier boys in these uncertain times. There are periods it feels as if my heart will cave in with all the worries I carry for my children but then God will swoop in and lift the burden and give me a measure of peace that I will almost feel guilty.
One year has captured the color of change so perfectly. In the famous words of Walt Disney “If nothing changed there’d be no butterflies”, I think on all the changes and can see the butterflies that have come from cocoon like times. Dark, silent and way too long seasons of waiting but the beauty of the breaking-forth’s outweigh all the pain. And if it brings my Savior glory in the end, then I am willing to have my cocoon time.
I can only imagine what this next year will bring. I expect I will be spending a lot of time on my knees as my boys serve overseas. And I also predict God will cover them with His mighty hands and keep them in His perfect will.
As I inspire to finish my third book I try to concentrate on what God has for the year. I always start the year with a Daniel fast and partner with God for what He has in store for our family’s lives and ministry. This will be my fourth year of beginning this way and I have to say it has been incredible seeing the power of God increase with each year. A freshness falls like snow and a warmth of His presence is felt like the summer heat.
I look forward to writing the new things God brings in our lives. I anticipate pain along with joy for our coming year and if I may be so bold, I feel God has given me a word for 2011.
There will be a new construction to take place in peoples lives. He is going to build on what He has started as well as change and remodel a few things. Some will experience add-ons, some renovations, some new foundations and some brand new areas of growth. I see powerful acts of God happening in people’s lives that only can be explained “miraculous” I also expect to see reinstatements in peoples lives. I see fruition coming to those who have been in barren places that is so abundant it’s almost freighting. Due time is coming this year.
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. I truly believe this is the year for the lifting up and the season of due time! Wait for it though it tarries wait for it.
May this year bring you all that you have wept for and prayed for. May it be filled with the presence of God and the Power of Him who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly all that we ask.
Happy New Year and resolve to make it great!
Holly
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Merry CHRISTmas
We are on the final leg towards Christmas. It is only 4 days away! I pray your home is brimming with family and friends.
As we take time off school or work let’s keep our minds and hearts set on the true meaning of the season. I love the rush of the malls and smells of all the baked goods but without our Savior these fabulous perks are hollow and meaningless. They are just another average day filled with busyness and calories.
As you finish your final stretch, I encourage you to bring to remembrance the very reason we celebrate this “Holyday”. As families travel and gather, let us remember the first travelers that started the journey towards celebrating this glorious day. As gifts pile under the tree, keep in mind the gift that was poured out for us on a criminal’s cross. As we congregate around the table for fellowship and food, recall the gathering in an upper room where His gift of the Spirit fell and empowered the church.
Taking this time to delight in our Savior’s gifts of acceptance, grace, peace and invitation to relationship with God, will bring back the Christ that many are trying to leave out of the season. Say it with conviction when you leave a store, greet a stranger with the fervent message, bless the needy with the hope of what it truly means to proclaim the words “Merry Christmas”. Be the Jesus people need to see, and deliver the gift that the lost need to receive.
It is with a bold heart I say Merry CHRISTmas!!!
Holly Ruddock
As we take time off school or work let’s keep our minds and hearts set on the true meaning of the season. I love the rush of the malls and smells of all the baked goods but without our Savior these fabulous perks are hollow and meaningless. They are just another average day filled with busyness and calories.
As you finish your final stretch, I encourage you to bring to remembrance the very reason we celebrate this “Holyday”. As families travel and gather, let us remember the first travelers that started the journey towards celebrating this glorious day. As gifts pile under the tree, keep in mind the gift that was poured out for us on a criminal’s cross. As we congregate around the table for fellowship and food, recall the gathering in an upper room where His gift of the Spirit fell and empowered the church.
Taking this time to delight in our Savior’s gifts of acceptance, grace, peace and invitation to relationship with God, will bring back the Christ that many are trying to leave out of the season. Say it with conviction when you leave a store, greet a stranger with the fervent message, bless the needy with the hope of what it truly means to proclaim the words “Merry Christmas”. Be the Jesus people need to see, and deliver the gift that the lost need to receive.
It is with a bold heart I say Merry CHRISTmas!!!
Holly Ruddock
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
giving up
“Just give up” was whispered to me in my sleep. For weeks I had been waking up in the early morning with my heart racing in fear. The enemy had been harassing me in my sleep and this was just one of those times. “Give up your dreams and the call” seemed to be his verbatim.
I would contemplate the thought of throwing in the towel during those midnight hours. To just give up on my writing and give myself to work. The temptation was to lay the dreams down because the pipe was getting longer and life was getting shorter. As a working mom and an author I have often wondered when I would get to be strictly a writer. With the constant pressure to just give up and give myself to work and forget about my dreams, I could feel discouragement trying to be my advisor.
Last Saturday the Lord reminded me of a sermon I had preached four years ago. It was titled “The Destruction of Ignorance.” The heart of the message was about close friends brining disaster to our home and for an example I shared the story of my palm tree being destroyed by a new dog we had just adopted from a shelter that had separation anxiety. Out of a panic, he destroyed a palm I had for years and in minutes took it to its roots. With one small remaining stem sticking up out of the pot. After I cleaned up the mess, set it back on its right end, packed the dirt back around its roots and trimmed off the broken pieces it was quite pathetic. To look at it you would have never known that it was a majestic palm; it looked like a new seedling in a big pot. But underneath it was a great root system that declared it was a mature palm.
In church a couple weeks ago one of our pastors gave a word of encouragement. He said, “I sense there are some people in here who feel like giving up. They have been feeling hopeless and discouraged and struggling with the thought of giving up.” I squeezed Joe’s hand as the tears ran down my face. Then last week in church during worship, I had a vision of a giant root. It had once been a great tree of fruition and it was about to bloom again. Then my mind went back to the sermon of the palm tree.
As our senior pastor took the pulpit to preach he was having everybody turn to Psalms 103, I grabbed my bible but my bible landed on Psalms 92. (Don’t you just love it when your bible knows where it needs to fall?) And in my own writing I had bracketed and underlined verses 12-15
The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.
God was reminding me and encouraging me to stay the course and to not give up. He was using my words and sermons I had preached. He was using scriptures I had underlined years ago and He was causing me to recall what I believe in and believe for.
Living an average life of work, bills and food has never appealed to me. However for a time, it seemed easier to let go of the dream and just become another person who once had one but grew old. Of course I want to mature and become wiser but I want the years that God is seasoning me in to be complimentary to the dream He has placed in my heart. As a mother my first dream is to instill in my children to dream and aspire and pursue the things of God. And As a mother I need to lead my example.
I would contemplate the thought of throwing in the towel during those midnight hours. To just give up on my writing and give myself to work. The temptation was to lay the dreams down because the pipe was getting longer and life was getting shorter. As a working mom and an author I have often wondered when I would get to be strictly a writer. With the constant pressure to just give up and give myself to work and forget about my dreams, I could feel discouragement trying to be my advisor.
Last Saturday the Lord reminded me of a sermon I had preached four years ago. It was titled “The Destruction of Ignorance.” The heart of the message was about close friends brining disaster to our home and for an example I shared the story of my palm tree being destroyed by a new dog we had just adopted from a shelter that had separation anxiety. Out of a panic, he destroyed a palm I had for years and in minutes took it to its roots. With one small remaining stem sticking up out of the pot. After I cleaned up the mess, set it back on its right end, packed the dirt back around its roots and trimmed off the broken pieces it was quite pathetic. To look at it you would have never known that it was a majestic palm; it looked like a new seedling in a big pot. But underneath it was a great root system that declared it was a mature palm.
In church a couple weeks ago one of our pastors gave a word of encouragement. He said, “I sense there are some people in here who feel like giving up. They have been feeling hopeless and discouraged and struggling with the thought of giving up.” I squeezed Joe’s hand as the tears ran down my face. Then last week in church during worship, I had a vision of a giant root. It had once been a great tree of fruition and it was about to bloom again. Then my mind went back to the sermon of the palm tree.
As our senior pastor took the pulpit to preach he was having everybody turn to Psalms 103, I grabbed my bible but my bible landed on Psalms 92. (Don’t you just love it when your bible knows where it needs to fall?) And in my own writing I had bracketed and underlined verses 12-15
The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.
God was reminding me and encouraging me to stay the course and to not give up. He was using my words and sermons I had preached. He was using scriptures I had underlined years ago and He was causing me to recall what I believe in and believe for.
Living an average life of work, bills and food has never appealed to me. However for a time, it seemed easier to let go of the dream and just become another person who once had one but grew old. Of course I want to mature and become wiser but I want the years that God is seasoning me in to be complimentary to the dream He has placed in my heart. As a mother my first dream is to instill in my children to dream and aspire and pursue the things of God. And As a mother I need to lead my example.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
the invisibles
She sleeps on the sidewalk between the street and the fence,
Our nameless and faceless resident.
Her roof is an umbrella her foundation a tarp
And I drive by her home wondering how she'll stay warm.
She’s lost in a world that seems distant to me,
Her eyes are hallow and her face hard to read.
She’s somebody’s daughter, sister or wife,
And she’s wasting away in her cornered-off life.
I can’t seem to sleep knowing she is covered in snow,
Unsure if she has a warm place to go.
These broken little people who are lost and unseen
And wander the streets with faces unclean,
Are noticed by God and loved by the Father
And He is waiting on us to love one another.
The stretch of His arms and the warmth of His hands,
Waits on our heart and our faith to extend.
As we drive by or walk by or see them in church,
Our lives maybe different but in the same way we hurt.
Longing to be seen, loved and accepted
Pained by mans words and feeling rejected.
Our homes maybe different but our hearts need the same,
A Savior to save us and a friend to remain.
Rather we are a people who sleep on a bed or a tarp
Our deliver sees us and heals the broken heart.
By Holly Ruddock
Our nameless and faceless resident.
Her roof is an umbrella her foundation a tarp
And I drive by her home wondering how she'll stay warm.
She’s lost in a world that seems distant to me,
Her eyes are hallow and her face hard to read.
She’s somebody’s daughter, sister or wife,
And she’s wasting away in her cornered-off life.
I can’t seem to sleep knowing she is covered in snow,
Unsure if she has a warm place to go.
These broken little people who are lost and unseen
And wander the streets with faces unclean,
Are noticed by God and loved by the Father
And He is waiting on us to love one another.
The stretch of His arms and the warmth of His hands,
Waits on our heart and our faith to extend.
As we drive by or walk by or see them in church,
Our lives maybe different but in the same way we hurt.
Longing to be seen, loved and accepted
Pained by mans words and feeling rejected.
Our homes maybe different but our hearts need the same,
A Savior to save us and a friend to remain.
Rather we are a people who sleep on a bed or a tarp
Our deliver sees us and heals the broken heart.
By Holly Ruddock
Monday, October 18, 2010
My prayer of thanksgiving
You are my refuge, Lord. When I am weary and tired and full of fear, You hide me in Your shelter. When I think I am alone You send others to encourage me. When the climb is to steep You reach down and lift me up. When I feel silenced because others seem more important, You reassure me I am valuable.
When I am unable to speak You provide the words through my tears. When I have no direction You grab my hand and lead the way. When I am thirsty You lead me to fresh water. When I am shrinking back You thrust me forward. You will not allow me to tremble in fear. You make me courageous. You hover over me when I feel small. You smile when I am curious about deep issues. You catch my tears in a bottle. You never waste a trial I go through. You are not surprised by my sin. You think I am wonderful.
When I am confused You bring assurance. When I am in torment You bring peace. When I have question You become the answer even if I don’t really understand the why of everything. You comfort my broken heart. You cheer me on when I am running on empty. You tell me to come hide in you secret place. You anoint my head. You find good in me when all I see is fault. You make me feel special in a crowd. You remind me I am made for your purpose. You never look down on me. You never make me feel less. Even when I pray the prayer that I would decrease and You increase. You still cause me to feel important in your eyes.
I know I am favored by you. If we were to dance You would spin me and I could stand on Your feet when I don’t know the steps. You like to use me for little things and big. You allow me to see hurting people. You send me to your lost or forgotten. Your presence fills the room with a fragrance that is undeniably You. Only You could think of the colors that grace the fall leaves. Only You could imagine the invisible colors in a rainbow. Only You could make vanilla smell so incredible.
I just want You to know how amazing I think You are and how grateful I am that You love me. How humbled I am that You see me. How shocked I am that You use me. I love You more than life itself. Even during my emptiest days I felt the abundance of life from You.
Thank You for calling me Yours. I am astounding by your unfailing love.
Your adopted daughter
Holly
When I am unable to speak You provide the words through my tears. When I have no direction You grab my hand and lead the way. When I am thirsty You lead me to fresh water. When I am shrinking back You thrust me forward. You will not allow me to tremble in fear. You make me courageous. You hover over me when I feel small. You smile when I am curious about deep issues. You catch my tears in a bottle. You never waste a trial I go through. You are not surprised by my sin. You think I am wonderful.
When I am confused You bring assurance. When I am in torment You bring peace. When I have question You become the answer even if I don’t really understand the why of everything. You comfort my broken heart. You cheer me on when I am running on empty. You tell me to come hide in you secret place. You anoint my head. You find good in me when all I see is fault. You make me feel special in a crowd. You remind me I am made for your purpose. You never look down on me. You never make me feel less. Even when I pray the prayer that I would decrease and You increase. You still cause me to feel important in your eyes.
I know I am favored by you. If we were to dance You would spin me and I could stand on Your feet when I don’t know the steps. You like to use me for little things and big. You allow me to see hurting people. You send me to your lost or forgotten. Your presence fills the room with a fragrance that is undeniably You. Only You could think of the colors that grace the fall leaves. Only You could imagine the invisible colors in a rainbow. Only You could make vanilla smell so incredible.
I just want You to know how amazing I think You are and how grateful I am that You love me. How humbled I am that You see me. How shocked I am that You use me. I love You more than life itself. Even during my emptiest days I felt the abundance of life from You.
Thank You for calling me Yours. I am astounding by your unfailing love.
Your adopted daughter
Holly
Monday, September 20, 2010
His UNFAILING love
I sat outside on my balcony with my coffee in hand. I so enjoy the weather change of the coming fall. The wind was blowing something fierce. I had my Celtic music playing in the back ground and I was praying for my children. As I was pondering the faithfulness of God I looked across the way. In the apartments across from me stood a woman on her balcony in her morning routine. I have seen her before but this time I looked upon her. She stood in the wind with a can of coke in one hand and a cigarette in the other, listening to the leaves rustle. We both seemed lost in thought. Was she praying? Was she lonely? Was she happy?
Our women’s ministries are focusing on Gods unfailing love for and entire year. So as I read His word, or have devotions or even sit on a balcony in the early morning, my thoughts tend to linger on His faithfulness. As I look around me and see other who are in desperate need of knowing His unfailing, faithful love, I am challenged to not forget it.
Psalm 13:5-6 5 But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.
Psalm 33:18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
I think about the times I failed in trusting Him. The times I feared He had forgotten me. Days I was certain He had abandon me; and then like a breath of fresh fall air, He would blow hope into my dry bones. He would visit me with a presence of peace that would crush all fear. He would disperse the discouragement that had set up camp around me and sit with me in my lonely place. And I would rest in His unfailing love. He did as His word promised in Psalm 119:41 May your unfailing love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise;
The signs of a person who rest in His unfailing love are subtle yet obvious. When troubles blow in to their lives they are anchored deep in His abilities to either rescue them from them, or weather the storm with them. A gentle confidence is around them. They may be terrified to drive in a real storm but trust in Gods unfailing love in the ice storms of life. They may scream because a nasty, hairy spider crossed their path but they are spiritual ninjas when they are in warfare.
My mother is one of these heroes. She knows Gods unfailing love to a level I would love to be at but dread the road to get there. I have lived for 41 short years(don’t laugh) and have many more troubles, trials and victories to experience. More days of balcony pondering. More days of learning to trust in His unfailing Love. More opportunities to notice those who are afraid and help them. More opportunities to extend my faith, flex my spiritual muscle and be brave in the uglies of life. More years of laying my children before the Lord pleading for their safety. And more years of seeing my prayers answered in His unfailing, faithful way. Lord, help me to not forget your unfailing Love
You are challenged today to do the same.
Our women’s ministries are focusing on Gods unfailing love for and entire year. So as I read His word, or have devotions or even sit on a balcony in the early morning, my thoughts tend to linger on His faithfulness. As I look around me and see other who are in desperate need of knowing His unfailing, faithful love, I am challenged to not forget it.
Psalm 13:5-6 5 But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.
Psalm 33:18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
I think about the times I failed in trusting Him. The times I feared He had forgotten me. Days I was certain He had abandon me; and then like a breath of fresh fall air, He would blow hope into my dry bones. He would visit me with a presence of peace that would crush all fear. He would disperse the discouragement that had set up camp around me and sit with me in my lonely place. And I would rest in His unfailing love. He did as His word promised in Psalm 119:41 May your unfailing love come to me, O LORD, your salvation according to your promise;
The signs of a person who rest in His unfailing love are subtle yet obvious. When troubles blow in to their lives they are anchored deep in His abilities to either rescue them from them, or weather the storm with them. A gentle confidence is around them. They may be terrified to drive in a real storm but trust in Gods unfailing love in the ice storms of life. They may scream because a nasty, hairy spider crossed their path but they are spiritual ninjas when they are in warfare.
My mother is one of these heroes. She knows Gods unfailing love to a level I would love to be at but dread the road to get there. I have lived for 41 short years(don’t laugh) and have many more troubles, trials and victories to experience. More days of balcony pondering. More days of learning to trust in His unfailing Love. More opportunities to notice those who are afraid and help them. More opportunities to extend my faith, flex my spiritual muscle and be brave in the uglies of life. More years of laying my children before the Lord pleading for their safety. And more years of seeing my prayers answered in His unfailing, faithful way. Lord, help me to not forget your unfailing Love
You are challenged today to do the same.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Keeping the sparkle in your eye
Psalm 13 1-3 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die
Have you ever prayed the prayer, “Don’t forget about me God.”?
The other morning I woke up with this prayer on my lips and I heard in my spirit Psalm 13. So I curled up on the couch and read it. It was as if David had read my mind. I love how a scripture is like fresh bread. Even though I had read it before, possibly hundreds of times, it was as if I had just pulled it from the oven and I tasted it for the first time. It was warm and a sweet morsel to my spirit.
Restore my sparkle.
I have never had the struggles David had but I have had my share of troubles. I am not running from a mad man. Does road rage count? I have never hid in a cave, but sometimes it feels as if I’m lost in one. The verse that really tugs at me is verse 3, Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
How can one live without a sparkle in their eyes? Sparkles fade when tragedy strikes, failure happen, and hopelessness invades. The light in our eyes, the crows’ feet and laugh lines make life abundant, worth some of the pain. Joy isn't Joy unless your familiar with hardships. But a broken heart can darken the sparkle in person’s eyes
Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
John 15:11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete
Much of my passion or sparkle comes from living out who I was created to be. And when I fall short of it or feel the largeness of life swallow up my joy, it can feel as if I have been forgotten. Struggling. That the enemy has the upper hand. Why is it that when our sparkle is dimmed our strength is zapped? Nehemiah 8:10b explains it best…for the joy of the LORD is your strength
I find it ironic that when I am in a full belly laugh I have no strength to carry a small box. But Joy is the thing that gives us strength to carry life’s heaviest burden
HIS JOY makes us complete.
What makes Him joyful? Us being who we were created to be. That is why stepping into our destiny is so vital. Pursuing our dreams, our vision, and our passions. Feeling His pleasure when we do what we were created to do! If I were a betting girl, I would say the majority of us feel a fullness of Joy when we are doing what we were designed and wired to do. Regardless of things, money or power.
When I am not doing what I was created for I can feel dull and un-sparkly. My lamp feels clicked off when I feel busy but not productive. When I feel weary from doing average things and too tired to dream big things. ARG. This is when I feel the enemy sucking my joy, my life, my sparkle. Like fluorescent lighting it just drains and discolors you. Your eyes are squinty not because of brightness, but from trying to see.
My passions can be summed up in three areas God, Family, Writing. When I am deprived of time with God and my family I loose my sparkle, it affects my writing, it changes my attitude. When I get to busy for any of my passions, my life is dull and meaningless. I can feel forgotten by God when in actuality it is me doing the forgetting. Sure there are times I will go through season that it feels as if God is quiet even if I am doing my devotions and reading my word. But that’s not what I am talking about here. I am taking about loosing our sparkle because we are consumed with tasks and assignments. We forget what brings God pleasure. We are created for His pleasure and Him seeing us take risks with our gifts and invest them in faith, puts a smile on the Fathers face. When we are doing what we were created to do. Your great dream and desire may be somebodys everyday life. Do it any way! I dont care if its not your career, but a hobby, it makes life so much fuller. We feel His completeness because it is creating completeness in us. It is time for us to sparkle and bring His light to those who are in the shadows. Go,inspire another!
Have you ever prayed the prayer, “Don’t forget about me God.”?
The other morning I woke up with this prayer on my lips and I heard in my spirit Psalm 13. So I curled up on the couch and read it. It was as if David had read my mind. I love how a scripture is like fresh bread. Even though I had read it before, possibly hundreds of times, it was as if I had just pulled it from the oven and I tasted it for the first time. It was warm and a sweet morsel to my spirit.
Restore my sparkle.
I have never had the struggles David had but I have had my share of troubles. I am not running from a mad man. Does road rage count? I have never hid in a cave, but sometimes it feels as if I’m lost in one. The verse that really tugs at me is verse 3, Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
How can one live without a sparkle in their eyes? Sparkles fade when tragedy strikes, failure happen, and hopelessness invades. The light in our eyes, the crows’ feet and laugh lines make life abundant, worth some of the pain. Joy isn't Joy unless your familiar with hardships. But a broken heart can darken the sparkle in person’s eyes
Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
John 15:11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete
Much of my passion or sparkle comes from living out who I was created to be. And when I fall short of it or feel the largeness of life swallow up my joy, it can feel as if I have been forgotten. Struggling. That the enemy has the upper hand. Why is it that when our sparkle is dimmed our strength is zapped? Nehemiah 8:10b explains it best…for the joy of the LORD is your strength
I find it ironic that when I am in a full belly laugh I have no strength to carry a small box. But Joy is the thing that gives us strength to carry life’s heaviest burden
HIS JOY makes us complete.
What makes Him joyful? Us being who we were created to be. That is why stepping into our destiny is so vital. Pursuing our dreams, our vision, and our passions. Feeling His pleasure when we do what we were created to do! If I were a betting girl, I would say the majority of us feel a fullness of Joy when we are doing what we were designed and wired to do. Regardless of things, money or power.
When I am not doing what I was created for I can feel dull and un-sparkly. My lamp feels clicked off when I feel busy but not productive. When I feel weary from doing average things and too tired to dream big things. ARG. This is when I feel the enemy sucking my joy, my life, my sparkle. Like fluorescent lighting it just drains and discolors you. Your eyes are squinty not because of brightness, but from trying to see.
My passions can be summed up in three areas God, Family, Writing. When I am deprived of time with God and my family I loose my sparkle, it affects my writing, it changes my attitude. When I get to busy for any of my passions, my life is dull and meaningless. I can feel forgotten by God when in actuality it is me doing the forgetting. Sure there are times I will go through season that it feels as if God is quiet even if I am doing my devotions and reading my word. But that’s not what I am talking about here. I am taking about loosing our sparkle because we are consumed with tasks and assignments. We forget what brings God pleasure. We are created for His pleasure and Him seeing us take risks with our gifts and invest them in faith, puts a smile on the Fathers face. When we are doing what we were created to do. Your great dream and desire may be somebodys everyday life. Do it any way! I dont care if its not your career, but a hobby, it makes life so much fuller. We feel His completeness because it is creating completeness in us. It is time for us to sparkle and bring His light to those who are in the shadows. Go,inspire another!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
the colors of change
I drove to the central part of Oregon to visit my parent this last week. We took the scenic route. It was positively beautiful. The mountain pass, the high desert and the farm land were all stunning. I was surprised to see the colors on the trees changing so soon, beings we are only at the end of August. I kept thinking, "It's too soon to see the leaves change." The changing colors are reminiscent of the season I am in right now. Changes that are coming at me at a lightning fast pace. As I brace for another son to leave for the military, I feel like I am also girding up my heart for other fluctuations. Changes I want to slow down. I am not talking about menopause or saddlebags or even wrinkles. Who wouldn’t want to stop those? No, the changes I am speaking of are the autumns of the heart. Aging I want to bring to a halt in my parents. I want to yell at the clock and say. "Just a little longer with my children." or "I need more hugs from my Mom." or "My dad has more wisdom I have yet to tap into" Yet like the leaves, my life gradually transform. And though the colors are beautiful it is inevitable they will detach from the tree and float to the ground. Leaving the tree to feel empty and gray. Knowing the coldness of winter is right around the corner. This visit to my folks was for two reasons. 1) My son is leaving for boot camp Monday and wanted to say his good byes to his grandparents. 2) My dad had a surgery for his heart. The colors of change are a painful thing. I don’t think I am ever really ready for them. And though I love new things, this experience is one that is an agonizing thrill. Seeing my children become men and women of God has been one of the most striking things to watch. Having parents that are also my friends, has been a priceless treasure. These kaleidoscopes of color have been a welcome surprise in the midst of an “early autumn“. I may not like the rapid approaching change but I can not deny the beauty of the colors.
I am comforted with the truth that the same God that watched over me when I moved out is the same God that watches over my children. I know that when my heart is unsettled and worried about the health of my parents or the well being of my children I am a prayer away from peace.
I know that these vibrant colors of change are bringing growth in my life and in my children’s life. I am highly aware that my children are called to bring change to a lost world. I am keen to the fact that my parents have imparted a blessing in our lives that have brought us to this place we are in right now.
Even though this season has been more difficult than I have ever expected I can see the harvest of abundance in the colors of change.
Isaiah 41:10 I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. 'Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.
Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
I am comforted with the truth that the same God that watched over me when I moved out is the same God that watches over my children. I know that when my heart is unsettled and worried about the health of my parents or the well being of my children I am a prayer away from peace.
I know that these vibrant colors of change are bringing growth in my life and in my children’s life. I am highly aware that my children are called to bring change to a lost world. I am keen to the fact that my parents have imparted a blessing in our lives that have brought us to this place we are in right now.
Even though this season has been more difficult than I have ever expected I can see the harvest of abundance in the colors of change.
Isaiah 41:10 I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. 'Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.
Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Restored Dignity
One check point down, two to go. Getting into a prison honestly is a lot more difficult than one realizes. We were going in as a team to bring the Gospel to the women in a Guadalajara prison. I was the one to speak. I had my message prepared and I asked the Lord as we were leaving for the prison, "What is the wisdom of the land?" I waited for His answer and it came in a flood. "Restore Dignity."
As I prayed over His download of wisdom, I looked at the children in the van with us. Along with our team, we had children from a home we worked in Mexico. They were going with us to see their mothers. Some were somber, and some were excited, and some were holding back their emotions. All were quiet. After each gate and check point and approval of heavily armed guards we make it to the main entrance, only to be screened and padded down. We walk through two more gates and we are in. The children run to their mothers. The teen mission group mingles with the women prisoners and the women prisoners smile and try hard to understand our conversation.
For prisoners, they worshipped freely. Some danced, some jumped, but all worshipped. These women were free behind bars. As I watched them worship recklessly my heart went to places of dignified women who worshipped half heartedly and quite contained. For free women are worship can be weak. These precious prisoners held nothing back. It was obvious, they loved their Savior. And it was even more obvious, their Savior loved them.
Restore Dignity. I preached on Hagar and Sari. I shared how when we are mistreated by people we trust; we are being positioned for a promise. God sees us and know us and reminds us there is no boundary to His great love. His love does not see status, money, homes, bars, slave or free.
We danced with the women and their children in the prison and felt the freedom of God behind bars!
Now home and back to the grind, it is hard to forget the liberty that the women behind metal curtains displayed so beautifully. As I walked into church and saw women behind their own bars and caged by their thoughts, past or hurts I couldn't help but think of the broken women that danced in the prison. The truth of the wisdom of the land still rings true. God aches to restore dignity to His women, regardless of which prison they live in.
Restoring dignity to those who have forgotten their promise. Restoring dignity to those who have felt abandon and unworthy of rescue. Restoring dignity to those who have held their hurt deep inside for fear of judgment. Restoring dignity to those who hide the true condition of their heart. Restoring their joy, their value, their dance. To the prisoners both free and behind bars.
Psalm 30:11-12 The Message
You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I'm about to burst with song;
I can't keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can't thank you enough.
When the Lord comes in and restores dignity, an undignified dance comes upon a person. When hope, joy and peace are given back to a temple that has lost it, a spinning twirling jig comes forth. A yehaw so to say. Think of David when the Ark of the covenant was returned. The glory of God comes rolling in and David came spinning out. An undignified dance welled up out of David! When the Glory of God restores a person’s dignity, a pee your pants dance should be the first thing we do. And Believe me, we were in an all women’s prison and it happened, and nobody cared. Because restored dignity has nothing to do with self image it has to do with coming into line with His image! So dance like nobody is watching you today.
As I prayed over His download of wisdom, I looked at the children in the van with us. Along with our team, we had children from a home we worked in Mexico. They were going with us to see their mothers. Some were somber, and some were excited, and some were holding back their emotions. All were quiet. After each gate and check point and approval of heavily armed guards we make it to the main entrance, only to be screened and padded down. We walk through two more gates and we are in. The children run to their mothers. The teen mission group mingles with the women prisoners and the women prisoners smile and try hard to understand our conversation.
For prisoners, they worshipped freely. Some danced, some jumped, but all worshipped. These women were free behind bars. As I watched them worship recklessly my heart went to places of dignified women who worshipped half heartedly and quite contained. For free women are worship can be weak. These precious prisoners held nothing back. It was obvious, they loved their Savior. And it was even more obvious, their Savior loved them.
Restore Dignity. I preached on Hagar and Sari. I shared how when we are mistreated by people we trust; we are being positioned for a promise. God sees us and know us and reminds us there is no boundary to His great love. His love does not see status, money, homes, bars, slave or free.
We danced with the women and their children in the prison and felt the freedom of God behind bars!
Now home and back to the grind, it is hard to forget the liberty that the women behind metal curtains displayed so beautifully. As I walked into church and saw women behind their own bars and caged by their thoughts, past or hurts I couldn't help but think of the broken women that danced in the prison. The truth of the wisdom of the land still rings true. God aches to restore dignity to His women, regardless of which prison they live in.
Restoring dignity to those who have forgotten their promise. Restoring dignity to those who have felt abandon and unworthy of rescue. Restoring dignity to those who have held their hurt deep inside for fear of judgment. Restoring dignity to those who hide the true condition of their heart. Restoring their joy, their value, their dance. To the prisoners both free and behind bars.
Psalm 30:11-12 The Message
You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I'm about to burst with song;
I can't keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can't thank you enough.
When the Lord comes in and restores dignity, an undignified dance comes upon a person. When hope, joy and peace are given back to a temple that has lost it, a spinning twirling jig comes forth. A yehaw so to say. Think of David when the Ark of the covenant was returned. The glory of God comes rolling in and David came spinning out. An undignified dance welled up out of David! When the Glory of God restores a person’s dignity, a pee your pants dance should be the first thing we do. And Believe me, we were in an all women’s prison and it happened, and nobody cared. Because restored dignity has nothing to do with self image it has to do with coming into line with His image! So dance like nobody is watching you today.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Mercy and Justice
He held the baby by his ankle. He dangled in the air. Mothers were crying, "He's mine! No he's mine!" "I can settle this", Thought the king. " We shall split the child in half then each mother can have half a child. "No",screamed the genuine mother. "She can have him."
For a moment the lying mother smiled. For a brief moment she appeared as if she had won her deceitful game. For a split second the true mother thought as if her world had caved in and she had lost her child by giving him up. The court room silenced. Two mothers...one child. The king had no d.n.a evidence to go by. The king heard no attorney to plead each case. The king was the deciding factor in three fates; the infant, the birth mother and the kidnapper.
1 Kings:3 tells us the story of two harlots that both have a baby boy but one of the babies died because the mother rolled over on him. So the grieving mother stole another prostitutes baby. Both of these women are women of the night. Both appear to be unwed. And both are standing before a king in there sin, asking for mercy and justice.
I am a lover of Justice. I hate it when evil prevails. But I am also aware that mercy must be extended to those who are guilty. But Here's my question. Should mercy look as if an injustice is appearing? If mercy is extended to a rapist, isn't that an injustice to victim? If mercy is offered to a kidnapper, isn't that an injustice to the child and the parents?
King Solomon shows extreme wisdom in this scene. Both of these heathen mothers need a measure of mercy to go before the throne. However, when justice is delivered for the authentic mother, mercy is displayed as well. The king sees the heart of both mothers, he gives the baby boy to his natural mother. This is justice.
But, the instigator of this whole ordeal walks out with out even a fine to pay. She leaves a loser but no punishment is administered. This is mercy.
As I toss to and fro this early morning, my heart is settling on areas of my life that I have seen mercy delivered and justice fail. I have witnessed victims dismissed and tyrants ignored. I don't understand these cases nor do I want to dissect them. Being a lover of justice I believe it can be brought with mercy. Even a death row prisoner has the hope of salvation. The creepiest of sinners has the offer of the blood of the Lamb.
Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
This scripture helps to makes sense out of nonsense. Where is the deciding line of justice and mercy. What does the Lord require of us? To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly. The Hebrew meaning of Justly, means "to enter into controversy" We can not change what we will not confront. It is never comfortable but it is rewarding. This is where battles are won and victims are freed. Our eyes must be open to areas of injustices and walk justly and enter into controversy as miserable as it is at times. We can walk justly without judgment.
As for mercy. The Hebrew meaning in this scripture is, "To be kind."
To be kind to the victim as Solomon was with actual mother. And kind to the the one who is guilty, to bring healing and relationship. Mercy, kindness or forgivenss are not condoning the guilty they are cures. Cures for a fallen world. Remedies for broken people. The way Justice works to correct the sinner kindness works to heal them.
Romans 2:4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?
Yes entering into controversy and acting justly can usher in Gods kindness.
Humbly standing for a cause.
Humbly showing a another mercy.
Humbly remembering we were once sinners shown kindness in our filth.
For a moment the lying mother smiled. For a brief moment she appeared as if she had won her deceitful game. For a split second the true mother thought as if her world had caved in and she had lost her child by giving him up. The court room silenced. Two mothers...one child. The king had no d.n.a evidence to go by. The king heard no attorney to plead each case. The king was the deciding factor in three fates; the infant, the birth mother and the kidnapper.
1 Kings:3 tells us the story of two harlots that both have a baby boy but one of the babies died because the mother rolled over on him. So the grieving mother stole another prostitutes baby. Both of these women are women of the night. Both appear to be unwed. And both are standing before a king in there sin, asking for mercy and justice.
I am a lover of Justice. I hate it when evil prevails. But I am also aware that mercy must be extended to those who are guilty. But Here's my question. Should mercy look as if an injustice is appearing? If mercy is extended to a rapist, isn't that an injustice to victim? If mercy is offered to a kidnapper, isn't that an injustice to the child and the parents?
King Solomon shows extreme wisdom in this scene. Both of these heathen mothers need a measure of mercy to go before the throne. However, when justice is delivered for the authentic mother, mercy is displayed as well. The king sees the heart of both mothers, he gives the baby boy to his natural mother. This is justice.
But, the instigator of this whole ordeal walks out with out even a fine to pay. She leaves a loser but no punishment is administered. This is mercy.
As I toss to and fro this early morning, my heart is settling on areas of my life that I have seen mercy delivered and justice fail. I have witnessed victims dismissed and tyrants ignored. I don't understand these cases nor do I want to dissect them. Being a lover of justice I believe it can be brought with mercy. Even a death row prisoner has the hope of salvation. The creepiest of sinners has the offer of the blood of the Lamb.
Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
This scripture helps to makes sense out of nonsense. Where is the deciding line of justice and mercy. What does the Lord require of us? To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly. The Hebrew meaning of Justly, means "to enter into controversy" We can not change what we will not confront. It is never comfortable but it is rewarding. This is where battles are won and victims are freed. Our eyes must be open to areas of injustices and walk justly and enter into controversy as miserable as it is at times. We can walk justly without judgment.
As for mercy. The Hebrew meaning in this scripture is, "To be kind."
To be kind to the victim as Solomon was with actual mother. And kind to the the one who is guilty, to bring healing and relationship. Mercy, kindness or forgivenss are not condoning the guilty they are cures. Cures for a fallen world. Remedies for broken people. The way Justice works to correct the sinner kindness works to heal them.
Romans 2:4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?
Yes entering into controversy and acting justly can usher in Gods kindness.
Humbly standing for a cause.
Humbly showing a another mercy.
Humbly remembering we were once sinners shown kindness in our filth.
Friday, June 25, 2010
weeping leaders
I sat in his office, sick that I was in the principal's office once again. How do I keep getting into these messes? Don't answer that. Sure I was the kid who would put tacks on a fellow students seat before he plopped down. And yes I was the girl who would sharpen my pencil 800 times. And maybe I was the girl who wrote the answers on her hand during tests...maybe. And maybe I would cut my friends hair during recess. But this time it wasn't my fault. It was another.
I was being asked the questions as to what transpired. Did I see her take the necklace off the rack? Did I see her with the stolen goods? My answer made me ill. I did in fact see my friend, who was the thief, with the items. I went to a christian school and a friend of mine was caught red handed with stolen jewelry. What were those items? Michel Jackson collectibles. This friend was so mesmerized and in love with him she was willing to break the law for his themed jewelry and clothing. Now here I am being questioned by our principal/pastor if I witnessed it. I feared this man. He never seemed too happy with me anyway. Other encounters were usually correcting me, trying to change me, warning me, and now I was required to be a snitch. To betray a friend is never easy. And to be put on the spot by somebody you fear rather than respect, made the situation even more difficult.
The reason this story comes back to my mind is for two reason: 1) This is the 1 year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. And 2) I am reading A Tale of Three Kings, a study of brokenness, submission and authority.
That encounter with my school principal and other leaders who caused my heart to beat faster out of fear, has always inspired me to study what true leadership is and what God sees as genuine authority. I think a quote from the Tale of Three Kings summed it up for me.
I will tell you of my king and his greatness, My king has never threatened me as does yours. Your king has begun his reign with laws, rules, regulations and fear. The clearest memory I have of my king, when we lived in caves, is that his was a life of submission, not authority. He taught me not the quick cures of rules and laws, but the art of patience...My king spoke not of submitting to him. He feared no rebellion...because...because he did not mind if he was dethroned?"
This was being said from one of David's mighty men. This fictitious interview also quoted the warrior saying, " David had authority, but I don't think that fact ever occurred to him! We were 600 no-goods with a leader who cried a lot."
A weeping leader sounds a lot like a man of sorrow. Sometimes I beat myself up because I cry when my heart hurts or I'm afraid. I feel weak when I am scared, and then it occurs to me, as I am sure it is occurring to you now, That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10
I remember when my dad got saved. I was nine years old and I saw him weeping at the altar with his hands raised. I left the pew and stood by him, I couldn't stop my tears. He reached his hand down to me and I took his weathered rough hand. I saw tears streaming down his face and my heart broke. And I never felt safer than when I saw my father weep.
I was being asked the questions as to what transpired. Did I see her take the necklace off the rack? Did I see her with the stolen goods? My answer made me ill. I did in fact see my friend, who was the thief, with the items. I went to a christian school and a friend of mine was caught red handed with stolen jewelry. What were those items? Michel Jackson collectibles. This friend was so mesmerized and in love with him she was willing to break the law for his themed jewelry and clothing. Now here I am being questioned by our principal/pastor if I witnessed it. I feared this man. He never seemed too happy with me anyway. Other encounters were usually correcting me, trying to change me, warning me, and now I was required to be a snitch. To betray a friend is never easy. And to be put on the spot by somebody you fear rather than respect, made the situation even more difficult.
The reason this story comes back to my mind is for two reason: 1) This is the 1 year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. And 2) I am reading A Tale of Three Kings, a study of brokenness, submission and authority.
That encounter with my school principal and other leaders who caused my heart to beat faster out of fear, has always inspired me to study what true leadership is and what God sees as genuine authority. I think a quote from the Tale of Three Kings summed it up for me.
I will tell you of my king and his greatness, My king has never threatened me as does yours. Your king has begun his reign with laws, rules, regulations and fear. The clearest memory I have of my king, when we lived in caves, is that his was a life of submission, not authority. He taught me not the quick cures of rules and laws, but the art of patience...My king spoke not of submitting to him. He feared no rebellion...because...because he did not mind if he was dethroned?"
This was being said from one of David's mighty men. This fictitious interview also quoted the warrior saying, " David had authority, but I don't think that fact ever occurred to him! We were 600 no-goods with a leader who cried a lot."
A weeping leader sounds a lot like a man of sorrow. Sometimes I beat myself up because I cry when my heart hurts or I'm afraid. I feel weak when I am scared, and then it occurs to me, as I am sure it is occurring to you now, That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10
I remember when my dad got saved. I was nine years old and I saw him weeping at the altar with his hands raised. I left the pew and stood by him, I couldn't stop my tears. He reached his hand down to me and I took his weathered rough hand. I saw tears streaming down his face and my heart broke. And I never felt safer than when I saw my father weep.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
blank paper
I just made it back from a conference a few days ago and the Lord spoke some wonderful things into my heart. If you will allow me to share them, I would like to tell you what the Lord has placed in my spirit.
During worship, I began to hear in my spirit these words. Although It was me saying it I felt as if I was being spoke to.
At this particular time in my life I feel like a canvas. Unlike other times when I was the pen, or the paintbrush. I would write, draw or create. But not at this moment in time. I am blank.
Waiting for either a message to be written on me or a picture to be drawn. I wait, expectantly, wondering if I will be a song He makes of me, a letter He writes of me, a masterpiece He paints on me. Whatever it is I will resist picking up the brush to add my touch. I will resist the desire to add a color. I will repel the thought of grabbing the pen and describing a picture...I will wait.
I will wait for the word of the Author to be written.
I will wait for the brush strokes of the Artist to be painted
I will wait for the shaping of the Potter to be molded.
I will not add the colors.
I will not frame the art
I will not bind the book.
I will not fold the card.
I will not write the note
I will not pen the story.
I will wait.
( I saw in my spirit's eye these items on a stand)
A blank book waiting to be written. A blank song sheet waiting to be composed. A plain canvas waiting to be painted on. A blank piece of paper awaiting a letter to be written. An envelope waiting to be addressed.
(Then the question)
How do I prepare for the plan God has for me to be positioned for His purpose? What will I do as I wait?
(This was the answer)
I will be a gather of the forgotten seed
A seeker of the hidden seed.
A keeper of the dismissed seed.
A bag for the fallen seed.
This was what the Lord gave me and now I wait for Him to write His story on my life. A new chapter or piece of art work...
Do you ever feel that something is coming but you don't know what? This is how I feel, to prepare for something that is unknown. I am compelled to ready myself and to wait.
I have been here before and am excited for what my Father is doing in me.
Please friend, tell me if you have ever been here before. Tell me what God has done for you after your time of waiting for His brush strokes.
If you pray for me, pray I stay fixed on Him and not become anxious in the process of being on pause.
Psalm 27:4 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Habakkuk 2:2-3 And then God answered: "Write this.Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. the message
During worship, I began to hear in my spirit these words. Although It was me saying it I felt as if I was being spoke to.
At this particular time in my life I feel like a canvas. Unlike other times when I was the pen, or the paintbrush. I would write, draw or create. But not at this moment in time. I am blank.
Waiting for either a message to be written on me or a picture to be drawn. I wait, expectantly, wondering if I will be a song He makes of me, a letter He writes of me, a masterpiece He paints on me. Whatever it is I will resist picking up the brush to add my touch. I will resist the desire to add a color. I will repel the thought of grabbing the pen and describing a picture...I will wait.
I will wait for the word of the Author to be written.
I will wait for the brush strokes of the Artist to be painted
I will wait for the shaping of the Potter to be molded.
I will not add the colors.
I will not frame the art
I will not bind the book.
I will not fold the card.
I will not write the note
I will not pen the story.
I will wait.
( I saw in my spirit's eye these items on a stand)
A blank book waiting to be written. A blank song sheet waiting to be composed. A plain canvas waiting to be painted on. A blank piece of paper awaiting a letter to be written. An envelope waiting to be addressed.
(Then the question)
How do I prepare for the plan God has for me to be positioned for His purpose? What will I do as I wait?
(This was the answer)
I will be a gather of the forgotten seed
A seeker of the hidden seed.
A keeper of the dismissed seed.
A bag for the fallen seed.
This was what the Lord gave me and now I wait for Him to write His story on my life. A new chapter or piece of art work...
Do you ever feel that something is coming but you don't know what? This is how I feel, to prepare for something that is unknown. I am compelled to ready myself and to wait.
I have been here before and am excited for what my Father is doing in me.
Please friend, tell me if you have ever been here before. Tell me what God has done for you after your time of waiting for His brush strokes.
If you pray for me, pray I stay fixed on Him and not become anxious in the process of being on pause.
Psalm 27:4 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Habakkuk 2:2-3 And then God answered: "Write this.Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. the message
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
the Eagle and the crows
He sat on top of the pole, regal and poised. He looked around at the traffic, unnerved and unmoved. The rain poured down but he didn't seem to mind. Around his head swarmed two irritated crows. Annoyed at his very presence, the crows swooped down and tried to frustrate this mighty bird of prey, but to no avail. This kingly feathered friend of mine was making quite a statement to me and to the crows. I respected his grace and his presence. The crows however were not appreciating him as much as I. He was displaying to me a stand and a standard. How to be strong and confidant when the crows around you are squawking, trying to intimidate you. And how to maintain your peace when the dark birds are angry with your very existence.
I saw my eagle friend again today and this time he taught me even more about ignoring the crows in your life. As I left work, just before my turn, I was honored with his flight once again. His wings were spread wide, and he was gliding on the currents but not without company. You guessed it. His two familiar pals were dive bombing him and attacking him. However, my glorious creature of a friend, did not flap madly trying to escape the crows, no, instead he was gliding this way and that. Every once in while he would flap his powerful wings a couple times and shoot up even further. The pitiful crows would beat their small wings furiously trying to make him flee. But that just seemed to make the eagles presence that much more stately. These garbage birds just didn't want to share the air. The regal eagle would not be daunted. He owned the sky. He could have soared high above them but instead he enjoyed the currents and ignored the crows.
This time he was teaching me to not run from the irritants. The frustrations that the enemy uses to pester were not to make me flap wildly in fear or anxiousness. Instead, I am spreading my wings and enjoying the way the wind blows under them.
Sometimes the anointing annoys just for showing up. Just for sitting on top of a pole. Just for flying in the same air others want to dominate. Obviously the crows represent, to me, irritants and demonic influences. They also can be those people used by the enemy, squawking and talking. But like the eagle we need to stand and set a standard. We need to soar and maintain our peace even when we are being dive bombed. Free in the midst of oppression. Free in the midst of the words flying. Free in the midst of opposition. Flying free owning the air.
2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
My word to you tonight, if you have been pestered by the crows and bullied by some dark birds. Remember, no matter where you fly, you will always have a few crows to deal with. Follow the example of the eagle who learned how to enjoy the currents and ignore the crows.
I saw my eagle friend again today and this time he taught me even more about ignoring the crows in your life. As I left work, just before my turn, I was honored with his flight once again. His wings were spread wide, and he was gliding on the currents but not without company. You guessed it. His two familiar pals were dive bombing him and attacking him. However, my glorious creature of a friend, did not flap madly trying to escape the crows, no, instead he was gliding this way and that. Every once in while he would flap his powerful wings a couple times and shoot up even further. The pitiful crows would beat their small wings furiously trying to make him flee. But that just seemed to make the eagles presence that much more stately. These garbage birds just didn't want to share the air. The regal eagle would not be daunted. He owned the sky. He could have soared high above them but instead he enjoyed the currents and ignored the crows.
This time he was teaching me to not run from the irritants. The frustrations that the enemy uses to pester were not to make me flap wildly in fear or anxiousness. Instead, I am spreading my wings and enjoying the way the wind blows under them.
Sometimes the anointing annoys just for showing up. Just for sitting on top of a pole. Just for flying in the same air others want to dominate. Obviously the crows represent, to me, irritants and demonic influences. They also can be those people used by the enemy, squawking and talking. But like the eagle we need to stand and set a standard. We need to soar and maintain our peace even when we are being dive bombed. Free in the midst of oppression. Free in the midst of the words flying. Free in the midst of opposition. Flying free owning the air.
2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
My word to you tonight, if you have been pestered by the crows and bullied by some dark birds. Remember, no matter where you fly, you will always have a few crows to deal with. Follow the example of the eagle who learned how to enjoy the currents and ignore the crows.
Monday, May 10, 2010
one more thing
There he was on the sidewalk. Tucking his filthy shirt in his dirty jeans. A well dressed man on the corner was watching him, sizing him up. As I drove my daughter to school I saw this sad sight and my heart instantly felt for him. I wondered what it was that took him there. As he was trying to smooth his hair with his hands and freshen up, if you can call it that, I passed him by in a matter of seconds. But not without him leaving some footprints on my heart. He made me think of myself.
No, I don't have a drug or alcohol problem. And no, I don't need a hair brush. This man made me think of a person who had one thing to many cross his path. As he kept getting buried in one thing after the other, the problems became to big to conquer. And he quit.
Similar to the way laundry builds up. Just when you think your done, you just have to walk into your teenage sons room and see that you are once again behind. I think that's where I was relating to him. Barely recovering from one problem when the next one comes crashing in.
I am not saying drug addiction is like laundry... but maybe I am. Just hear me out.
A neglected pile of dirty laundry grows because you were to busy or to tired to deal with it. You get so far behind that it will take days to catch up, but while your trying to catch up you still have today's laundry. And then the unthinkable happens. The washer breaks. Now the pile is growing bigger than you think you can handle. Its to much for one person. You need help. Big time! You go to take it to the laundry mat only to find out your car is having trouble and won't start. Because of this you are unable to get to work on time the next morning. You have to call in and loose precious paying hours to take the car to the shop that will cost more than you have to fix it. Taking from the grocery money, you pay to have the car fixed but now you are eating popcorn for two weeks. Still unable to catch up on the laundry because now you have no money for the laundry mat. So you keep wearing yesterdays filth. Life has snowballed on you and you are to far behind to catch up to daily living. One more thing after one more thing, and your mind becomes foggy with yesterdays troubles and today's needs.
As I drove passed the dirty sidewalk man, my thought was, "What was his one more thing that kept him from recovering?" What part broke in his life that brought on the snowball effect? What happened that got so out of control, he lost control of his own life? What was that one more thing for him?
You see, we as believers have a place we can go when one more thing keeps happening. We go to the arms of the Father that gives us peace in the presence of over whelming chaos. When life's "laundry" piles up and we are to broken to handle one more thing, we don't have to lean on our strength to get by. We get to lean on His. We get to lean on our brothers and sisters in the faith. We get to be refreshed by His new morning mercies. And believe me, that next days mercy is anticipated by me. I have learned to wait for it. In my pilgrimage here on this unfair, unpredictable earth, I have learned to understand the power of tomorrow.
It is hope in the midst of despair. Its life to a worn out soul. Waiting for God to handle the one more thing while we rest in His timing, will keeps us from becoming drudged down with the arrows that keep flying at us. As I am walking through the one more thing, I am holding and praying for a friend who is going through hers. And we have the hope that tomorrow will be different.
Palm 33:18-22 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.
One more thing; if you are trying to cope with yesterdays troubles while today's are fast approaching, remember that His mercies are new every morning and tomorrow is just yesterdays today. Breath in deep friend, He has it all under control now.
No, I don't have a drug or alcohol problem. And no, I don't need a hair brush. This man made me think of a person who had one thing to many cross his path. As he kept getting buried in one thing after the other, the problems became to big to conquer. And he quit.
Similar to the way laundry builds up. Just when you think your done, you just have to walk into your teenage sons room and see that you are once again behind. I think that's where I was relating to him. Barely recovering from one problem when the next one comes crashing in.
I am not saying drug addiction is like laundry... but maybe I am. Just hear me out.
A neglected pile of dirty laundry grows because you were to busy or to tired to deal with it. You get so far behind that it will take days to catch up, but while your trying to catch up you still have today's laundry. And then the unthinkable happens. The washer breaks. Now the pile is growing bigger than you think you can handle. Its to much for one person. You need help. Big time! You go to take it to the laundry mat only to find out your car is having trouble and won't start. Because of this you are unable to get to work on time the next morning. You have to call in and loose precious paying hours to take the car to the shop that will cost more than you have to fix it. Taking from the grocery money, you pay to have the car fixed but now you are eating popcorn for two weeks. Still unable to catch up on the laundry because now you have no money for the laundry mat. So you keep wearing yesterdays filth. Life has snowballed on you and you are to far behind to catch up to daily living. One more thing after one more thing, and your mind becomes foggy with yesterdays troubles and today's needs.
As I drove passed the dirty sidewalk man, my thought was, "What was his one more thing that kept him from recovering?" What part broke in his life that brought on the snowball effect? What happened that got so out of control, he lost control of his own life? What was that one more thing for him?
You see, we as believers have a place we can go when one more thing keeps happening. We go to the arms of the Father that gives us peace in the presence of over whelming chaos. When life's "laundry" piles up and we are to broken to handle one more thing, we don't have to lean on our strength to get by. We get to lean on His. We get to lean on our brothers and sisters in the faith. We get to be refreshed by His new morning mercies. And believe me, that next days mercy is anticipated by me. I have learned to wait for it. In my pilgrimage here on this unfair, unpredictable earth, I have learned to understand the power of tomorrow.
It is hope in the midst of despair. Its life to a worn out soul. Waiting for God to handle the one more thing while we rest in His timing, will keeps us from becoming drudged down with the arrows that keep flying at us. As I am walking through the one more thing, I am holding and praying for a friend who is going through hers. And we have the hope that tomorrow will be different.
Palm 33:18-22 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.
One more thing; if you are trying to cope with yesterdays troubles while today's are fast approaching, remember that His mercies are new every morning and tomorrow is just yesterdays today. Breath in deep friend, He has it all under control now.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Alone with God
" Its just you and me here now, only you and me here now." As I pondered this song early this morning I thought of the day before. We had our Saturday morning coffee at our usual place. We then went to walk a beautiful park and look at the ships and boats coming in. After that we journeyed towards down town and had sushi. We walked together, holding hands and forgetting time and responsibilities. Then we went and had a real lunch. (Sushi is never enough) We actually split each meal we ate. And then the thought crossed my mind... Oh my Gosh, we're our parents.
Well, we are getting to that place where the nest just keeps getting emptier. I have heard horror stories of marriages falling apart after the kids moved out because the only thing the couple had in common were their children. When it came down to being alone together they were uncomfortable because they didn't know each other anymore. Being alone with the love of our life shouldn't freak us out. I have heard it said, the test of being comfortable with somebody is being alone with them without feeling the need to speak. But what about being alone with God, THEE love of our life, the One who first loved us. Are we comfortable with Him?
I thought of heroes in the Bible that stood alone with God. Some of them started out surrounded with family, fullness, success and favor. But then life happened, storms blew in. And the only reason they survived the storm was because they were close to the one who walks on the troubled seas. Joseph, Abraham, Moses, David, and Job are just to name a few.
When everything and everyone is gone, and its just you and God...
When your familiar life has suddenly changed... When hell is paying you a visit... When the doctor calls to give your diagnosis...When the husband walks out... When your children marry leaving you an empty room full of memories... When you are left with just you and God and all you have is Him, you find that He is all that you need.
He is all you need to face whatever it is that is looming in the corners.
He is all you need to rebuild when all you have is ashes of a wasted life.
He is all you need to comfort a heart so broken it seems impossible to ever be the same.
Habakkuk 3:17-18 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation
When you find yourself singing the song, " Its just you and me here now", you have to be friends with the God you are left alone with. He is the only one who will remain. He is the only one who can stand when everybody else falls. He is the only one left when all the accuser are silenced.
Learning to be comfortable with Love when the only thing you have in common with Him is gone, is not easy. Learning to be at peace with Love when you feel He may have allowed the storm, is difficult. Learning to trust this Love when you are empty, will begin to fill the barren places again. Learning to be alone with Love when He is quiet, will strength your relationship.
If or when you are in a place with God and God alone, and Habakkuk 3:17 has come to pass, You will be able to sing, "its just you and me here now, only you and me here now." And be at peace with whatever comes your way. Because you are near to the one you love you draw from His quiet strength. His gentle whispers enables you to say “I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. Who never leaves me or forsakes me, His Grace is sufficient for me. My Jesus is enough!”
Well, we are getting to that place where the nest just keeps getting emptier. I have heard horror stories of marriages falling apart after the kids moved out because the only thing the couple had in common were their children. When it came down to being alone together they were uncomfortable because they didn't know each other anymore. Being alone with the love of our life shouldn't freak us out. I have heard it said, the test of being comfortable with somebody is being alone with them without feeling the need to speak. But what about being alone with God, THEE love of our life, the One who first loved us. Are we comfortable with Him?
I thought of heroes in the Bible that stood alone with God. Some of them started out surrounded with family, fullness, success and favor. But then life happened, storms blew in. And the only reason they survived the storm was because they were close to the one who walks on the troubled seas. Joseph, Abraham, Moses, David, and Job are just to name a few.
When everything and everyone is gone, and its just you and God...
When your familiar life has suddenly changed... When hell is paying you a visit... When the doctor calls to give your diagnosis...When the husband walks out... When your children marry leaving you an empty room full of memories... When you are left with just you and God and all you have is Him, you find that He is all that you need.
He is all you need to face whatever it is that is looming in the corners.
He is all you need to rebuild when all you have is ashes of a wasted life.
He is all you need to comfort a heart so broken it seems impossible to ever be the same.
Habakkuk 3:17-18 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation
When you find yourself singing the song, " Its just you and me here now", you have to be friends with the God you are left alone with. He is the only one who will remain. He is the only one who can stand when everybody else falls. He is the only one left when all the accuser are silenced.
Learning to be comfortable with Love when the only thing you have in common with Him is gone, is not easy. Learning to be at peace with Love when you feel He may have allowed the storm, is difficult. Learning to trust this Love when you are empty, will begin to fill the barren places again. Learning to be alone with Love when He is quiet, will strength your relationship.
If or when you are in a place with God and God alone, and Habakkuk 3:17 has come to pass, You will be able to sing, "its just you and me here now, only you and me here now." And be at peace with whatever comes your way. Because you are near to the one you love you draw from His quiet strength. His gentle whispers enables you to say “I will be joyful in the God of my salvation. Who never leaves me or forsakes me, His Grace is sufficient for me. My Jesus is enough!”
Friday, April 23, 2010
A hinged heart
A faith not tested is a faith not trusted. I have heard that several times here lately. I wonder what the person was going through when the Lord downloaded that beautiful piece of information. I can tell you what is on my heart right now. I have two sons that are enlisted in the military and both of them have jobs that will take them to the front lines of war. The worry level has changed. It's not like them learning to drive or moving away it feels so much bigger than that.
When my son went to Australia for college, I was concerned, but I knew his surroundings and felt secure to a point. Yes, he had dangers that all of us face, but he was in a Christian college surrounded by godly people. This truth comforted me when I was missing him.
Ryley, my middle son, left last year for the army and has had to learn to stand in his faith alone. His faith goes under-fire as well as his purity. And he bears the words of his fellow soldiers with more grace than I would give them. Our encouragement to him has been to remember Daniel and Joseph. Having their faith tested to the very core and standing firm. During some of the most wicked times of history, those young men had their faith stretched to the max and stood strong.
I know what it is to have the fire of faith refine you, But you know, when its your children going through this and not yourself it just plain stinks.
Here recently my oldest son enlisted in the army and his job description is quite exciting and quite dangerous. He still has a few months here before he leaves for boot-camp, but I am already loosing sleep over his choice of work.
As their faith is tested, so is mine. I know that God is God and He keeps those we love under the shadow of His wing. I also know God thinks eternally and this life is just a vapor.
A few years ago the Lord gave me a picture of a heart that had hinges on it. His message to me was this "Mother with a hinged heart. It will break less and be able to take the shifts of life."
Similar to the way we see highways with giant brackets hinging them together to take the quakes of the earth. It will shake and ripple but it wont collapse.
As our children get older the fears get bigger. It is no longer the bully on the playground we are upset about. No, our loss of sleep is used up praying for them as they work the graveyard shift. Our time on our knees has become more than them making friends in school and fitting in. Our prayer have now turned to praying for them to stand alone when they don't. Our midnight candle burns vigilante when we know their lives are changing faster than they can keep up. When they are walking down the isle and their hearts are filled with hopes and dreams, and we know from first hand experience whats around the corner.
Proverbs 24:10 If you faint in the day of adversity, Your strength is small.
This scripture is for us as parents and for our Children. To raise them to not faint when life is unfair, and for us to not fear when our faith is tested because their faith is tested.
Tested when our children are no longer under our watchful eye. Tested when they make choices you have advised them against. Tested when you know they are able to succeed, but they are not convinced. Tested when they are not walking in the ways they have been raised. Our tested faith becomes trusted faith when we know whom we have believed and are persuaded that He is able to keep what we have committed to Him until that Day. 2 Timothy 1:2
A hinged heart is a heart that has learned to trust a God who allows us all to be tested or sifted. We as parents have our faith tested when they are out of our care but not out of our prayers. And our children become familiar with the Father we have learned to trust with everything precious and dear to us...them.
When my son went to Australia for college, I was concerned, but I knew his surroundings and felt secure to a point. Yes, he had dangers that all of us face, but he was in a Christian college surrounded by godly people. This truth comforted me when I was missing him.
Ryley, my middle son, left last year for the army and has had to learn to stand in his faith alone. His faith goes under-fire as well as his purity. And he bears the words of his fellow soldiers with more grace than I would give them. Our encouragement to him has been to remember Daniel and Joseph. Having their faith tested to the very core and standing firm. During some of the most wicked times of history, those young men had their faith stretched to the max and stood strong.
I know what it is to have the fire of faith refine you, But you know, when its your children going through this and not yourself it just plain stinks.
Here recently my oldest son enlisted in the army and his job description is quite exciting and quite dangerous. He still has a few months here before he leaves for boot-camp, but I am already loosing sleep over his choice of work.
As their faith is tested, so is mine. I know that God is God and He keeps those we love under the shadow of His wing. I also know God thinks eternally and this life is just a vapor.
A few years ago the Lord gave me a picture of a heart that had hinges on it. His message to me was this "Mother with a hinged heart. It will break less and be able to take the shifts of life."
Similar to the way we see highways with giant brackets hinging them together to take the quakes of the earth. It will shake and ripple but it wont collapse.
As our children get older the fears get bigger. It is no longer the bully on the playground we are upset about. No, our loss of sleep is used up praying for them as they work the graveyard shift. Our time on our knees has become more than them making friends in school and fitting in. Our prayer have now turned to praying for them to stand alone when they don't. Our midnight candle burns vigilante when we know their lives are changing faster than they can keep up. When they are walking down the isle and their hearts are filled with hopes and dreams, and we know from first hand experience whats around the corner.
Proverbs 24:10 If you faint in the day of adversity, Your strength is small.
This scripture is for us as parents and for our Children. To raise them to not faint when life is unfair, and for us to not fear when our faith is tested because their faith is tested.
Tested when our children are no longer under our watchful eye. Tested when they make choices you have advised them against. Tested when you know they are able to succeed, but they are not convinced. Tested when they are not walking in the ways they have been raised. Our tested faith becomes trusted faith when we know whom we have believed and are persuaded that He is able to keep what we have committed to Him until that Day. 2 Timothy 1:2
A hinged heart is a heart that has learned to trust a God who allows us all to be tested or sifted. We as parents have our faith tested when they are out of our care but not out of our prayers. And our children become familiar with the Father we have learned to trust with everything precious and dear to us...them.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
All I need is you Lord
"Mrs Ruddock the radiologist would like me to take another picture." Said Mary my nurse.The song floats through my head and heart again, "All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you. All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you."
A week prior to this appointment I found a lump the size of a dime under my arm.I went to my Dr and she felt it as well and scheduled me for a mamogram. I have had this scare before but my health had not been at its prime and several signs were pointing to a fear all women have.
I sat in the Dr's office waiting. After my first mamogram I was asked sit in the waiting room for my ultra sound. Then Mary asked me to come back for a second peak. After the second showing, I went back to my seat awaiting the ultra sound that was next. Something about sitting in a smock after your boobs have been rolling pinned over makes for great conversation. But the Gorilla in the room was not a funny matter. Fear was obviously a travel companion in this facility.
We giggled about the procedure and found things light to discuss but ones mind is trying to wrap around what might be next in their life and preparing for a storm that may or may not be coming.
An hour later my nurse sees that I am still waiting for my ultra sound. She said she was going to see what was taking so long. In that hour I had seen several women come and go and be informed that they would receive a letter in ten days. That is good news is you have had a mamogram because if there is anything suspicious you are having checked out they let you know that day. I know this because I asked how long it would take to get my results. This hour gave me a lot of time to pray, reflect and worry a bit. And Then I prayed a radical prayer. I said "Alright Lord, If this is a hurdle you want me to jump I will. If you need a Lazarus to show your glory I surrender to your plan."
I was readying my heart for whatever God was about to take me through. I have learned to do this because He has not always rescued me from some pretty horrific things but instead braced me and carried me in them. I have learned He is Always faithful, Never failing and a Constant presence in my trouble.
I am called back for the ultra sound, after a few minutes the technician says to me " I need to go show these to the radiologist." The song in my heart is sung again.
All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you. All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you.
She comes back and says, "You are free to go."
You can imagine the look of confusion on my face. I was prepared for the worst and now I am being released. I asked her if she found the lump. She said " No its gone", matter-of-factly. I am shaking my head. Last week I have a lump this week its gone. All my extra x-rays and time waiting were because they were looking for something that was there a few days ago and now its not.
I called my husband who was out of town and told him the good news and then called a dear friend who's father-in-law was going through caner and informed her my lump was gone. I later learned that she wept over my healing. This did something to my spirit that is very hard to put into words. I didn't even cry but she allowed her tears to flow for me. My touch from God was a great encouragement to her that God still sits on the throne and has the final say in our lives. Yes God still moves!!!
Many prayers were offered up that week by a few close friends and family. And my Heart was being encouraged in the Lord.
A measure of trust is released and your faith is increased during the unknown times. I teach in my bible study that hope is the lasso that connects us to the unseen. As I sat in the waiting room I took my prayers and swung them around an unseen God and said "I will not let go of you not matter what."
As I am being touched and healed, I have friends that are walking through the very thing I was rescued from. Does it make since to me that I am healed and another is not? No, not really. I can't even try to figure it out. What I do know, is that those who are journeying through their wilderness, and not being rescued from it, will not be disappointed in God or the treasures they find in the storm.
Is 63:7 in the Message bible reads
In all their troubles, he was troubled, too. He didn't send someone else to help them. He did it himself, in person. Out of his own love and pity he redeemed them. He rescued them and carried them along for a long, long time.
My words to you today is, if your are having to walk through some unknown territory, hold fast to the one who walks the dark hills with you.
And don't forget to sing.
"All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you. All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you."
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
A week prior to this appointment I found a lump the size of a dime under my arm.I went to my Dr and she felt it as well and scheduled me for a mamogram. I have had this scare before but my health had not been at its prime and several signs were pointing to a fear all women have.
I sat in the Dr's office waiting. After my first mamogram I was asked sit in the waiting room for my ultra sound. Then Mary asked me to come back for a second peak. After the second showing, I went back to my seat awaiting the ultra sound that was next. Something about sitting in a smock after your boobs have been rolling pinned over makes for great conversation. But the Gorilla in the room was not a funny matter. Fear was obviously a travel companion in this facility.
We giggled about the procedure and found things light to discuss but ones mind is trying to wrap around what might be next in their life and preparing for a storm that may or may not be coming.
An hour later my nurse sees that I am still waiting for my ultra sound. She said she was going to see what was taking so long. In that hour I had seen several women come and go and be informed that they would receive a letter in ten days. That is good news is you have had a mamogram because if there is anything suspicious you are having checked out they let you know that day. I know this because I asked how long it would take to get my results. This hour gave me a lot of time to pray, reflect and worry a bit. And Then I prayed a radical prayer. I said "Alright Lord, If this is a hurdle you want me to jump I will. If you need a Lazarus to show your glory I surrender to your plan."
I was readying my heart for whatever God was about to take me through. I have learned to do this because He has not always rescued me from some pretty horrific things but instead braced me and carried me in them. I have learned He is Always faithful, Never failing and a Constant presence in my trouble.
I am called back for the ultra sound, after a few minutes the technician says to me " I need to go show these to the radiologist." The song in my heart is sung again.
All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you. All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you.
She comes back and says, "You are free to go."
You can imagine the look of confusion on my face. I was prepared for the worst and now I am being released. I asked her if she found the lump. She said " No its gone", matter-of-factly. I am shaking my head. Last week I have a lump this week its gone. All my extra x-rays and time waiting were because they were looking for something that was there a few days ago and now its not.
I called my husband who was out of town and told him the good news and then called a dear friend who's father-in-law was going through caner and informed her my lump was gone. I later learned that she wept over my healing. This did something to my spirit that is very hard to put into words. I didn't even cry but she allowed her tears to flow for me. My touch from God was a great encouragement to her that God still sits on the throne and has the final say in our lives. Yes God still moves!!!
Many prayers were offered up that week by a few close friends and family. And my Heart was being encouraged in the Lord.
A measure of trust is released and your faith is increased during the unknown times. I teach in my bible study that hope is the lasso that connects us to the unseen. As I sat in the waiting room I took my prayers and swung them around an unseen God and said "I will not let go of you not matter what."
As I am being touched and healed, I have friends that are walking through the very thing I was rescued from. Does it make since to me that I am healed and another is not? No, not really. I can't even try to figure it out. What I do know, is that those who are journeying through their wilderness, and not being rescued from it, will not be disappointed in God or the treasures they find in the storm.
Is 63:7 in the Message bible reads
In all their troubles, he was troubled, too. He didn't send someone else to help them. He did it himself, in person. Out of his own love and pity he redeemed them. He rescued them and carried them along for a long, long time.
My words to you today is, if your are having to walk through some unknown territory, hold fast to the one who walks the dark hills with you.
And don't forget to sing.
"All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you. All I need is you Lord, is you Lord, is you."
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Hiding in the rock
I roll to the left and I then to the right. I pray, I think, I pray some more. "Just go to sleep" I keep telling myself. Myself does not listen and stays awake anyway. Sometimes she is so stubborn. I quote scripture, I cast my cares, I close my eyes and yet I am still awake with a restless heart.
My spirit has been absorbing information that makes my mind want to spin. As I cry out to the Lord for him to make sense out of it, I hear nothing in response. Sometimes ignorance is just plain bliss.
I don't even have a direction with what I am writing, it is just spilling out. As I am crying out to God, this way to early of a Saturday morning, this scripture comes to me in Proverbs 30:26 coneys are creatures of little power, yet they make their home in the crags;"
Well, I instantly felt a connection to the little fellow who is no bigger than a bunny rabbit. I could picture it curled up in a tight little crevice, SLEEPING, and feeling quite safe. My imagination goes wild with what its life may be like. Maybe there's a storm outside, or worse, a predator. But this little critter positions itself between the rocks, out of harms way, resting and waiting. The storms are too big to weather and the lions are too big to fight, so she hides. She shields herself in the rocks where the wind and rain can not get to her and the paws of her enemy can't reach her. She doesn't have to fight nor does she have to be exposed to the elements, she just has to take shelter in the rock.
I think about what my heart is in turmoil with and then I picture it raging outside of my little fortress. I could see myself tucked in between a rock and a hard place, feeling hurt from the roars and growls but knowing this mountain lion can not touch me or reach me. I feel helpless and week, so hiding is better than fighting right now. As I am thinking of the snarls of words, I have to tuck my head lower and lean harder against the rock. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the storm to pass, I push myself deeper in-between the crags or crevices and wait it out.
Sometimes this warrior is just a child. And I have to run into my Fathers solid arms of love and tell Him I am afraid and don't know what to do. Just to have that time in the rock is enough to gather strength and hope. Time spent in the rock during the dark times is enough to draw courage and peace. What goes on behind a rolled stone is quite marvelous. What can happen in a cave is beyond miraculous. Wars that are won because of a quiet tomb-like moment is victorious!
As I am hiding, My Jesus is fighting. As I am resting, My Jesus is warring. As I am waiting, my Jesus is interceding. My down time is His release time.
Let's look back a few years ago, when 11 men went and hid in a room. Hiding from the government who just murdered their Leader, their Father, their friend. And as they are tucked into their crag, Christ is behind a rolled stone. Hidden so well from mans eyes, He is able to sneak all the way to hell and steal the keys of death and kick the devils butt while He's down there. He defeats all storms that may rage against us and closing every lions mouth that may try to devour.
He was between a tomb and a boulder with the appearance of death but with the agenda of life. Life abundant, Life eternal, Life with Joy, Life with peace and Life with power! And when the victory of all victories came to pass, the stone was rolled away and the men who were hiding in their little cave of fear, came face to face with the one who conquered it.
Yes Hiding in the rock is a good thing. It can erupt power, life, joy and strength. It can conquer fear and gobble up death. Then, then...then you can see how your hiding in the rock was actually trusting in your God.
Psalm 18:2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
Psalm 18:31 For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?
Psalm 27:5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
Psalm 31:3 Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Psalm 61:2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
My spirit has been absorbing information that makes my mind want to spin. As I cry out to the Lord for him to make sense out of it, I hear nothing in response. Sometimes ignorance is just plain bliss.
I don't even have a direction with what I am writing, it is just spilling out. As I am crying out to God, this way to early of a Saturday morning, this scripture comes to me in Proverbs 30:26 coneys are creatures of little power, yet they make their home in the crags;"
Well, I instantly felt a connection to the little fellow who is no bigger than a bunny rabbit. I could picture it curled up in a tight little crevice, SLEEPING, and feeling quite safe. My imagination goes wild with what its life may be like. Maybe there's a storm outside, or worse, a predator. But this little critter positions itself between the rocks, out of harms way, resting and waiting. The storms are too big to weather and the lions are too big to fight, so she hides. She shields herself in the rocks where the wind and rain can not get to her and the paws of her enemy can't reach her. She doesn't have to fight nor does she have to be exposed to the elements, she just has to take shelter in the rock.
I think about what my heart is in turmoil with and then I picture it raging outside of my little fortress. I could see myself tucked in between a rock and a hard place, feeling hurt from the roars and growls but knowing this mountain lion can not touch me or reach me. I feel helpless and week, so hiding is better than fighting right now. As I am thinking of the snarls of words, I have to tuck my head lower and lean harder against the rock. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the storm to pass, I push myself deeper in-between the crags or crevices and wait it out.
Sometimes this warrior is just a child. And I have to run into my Fathers solid arms of love and tell Him I am afraid and don't know what to do. Just to have that time in the rock is enough to gather strength and hope. Time spent in the rock during the dark times is enough to draw courage and peace. What goes on behind a rolled stone is quite marvelous. What can happen in a cave is beyond miraculous. Wars that are won because of a quiet tomb-like moment is victorious!
As I am hiding, My Jesus is fighting. As I am resting, My Jesus is warring. As I am waiting, my Jesus is interceding. My down time is His release time.
Let's look back a few years ago, when 11 men went and hid in a room. Hiding from the government who just murdered their Leader, their Father, their friend. And as they are tucked into their crag, Christ is behind a rolled stone. Hidden so well from mans eyes, He is able to sneak all the way to hell and steal the keys of death and kick the devils butt while He's down there. He defeats all storms that may rage against us and closing every lions mouth that may try to devour.
He was between a tomb and a boulder with the appearance of death but with the agenda of life. Life abundant, Life eternal, Life with Joy, Life with peace and Life with power! And when the victory of all victories came to pass, the stone was rolled away and the men who were hiding in their little cave of fear, came face to face with the one who conquered it.
Yes Hiding in the rock is a good thing. It can erupt power, life, joy and strength. It can conquer fear and gobble up death. Then, then...then you can see how your hiding in the rock was actually trusting in your God.
Psalm 18:2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
Psalm 18:31 For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?
Psalm 27:5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
Psalm 31:3 Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Psalm 61:2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Mary's feet
Where do I begin? My son just came into my room and anointed my hands with oil. You may be wondering why, and maybe last week I would have wondered with you. For about a year Jessey's fire has been getting hotter and bigger. He is overflowing with the power and love of Christ. He has received a measure of faith that is astounding me! Our home has been rocked and is busting at the seems with radical faith. This Love he has for God has him evangelizing everywhere he goes. After a powerful conference with Todd White, Jessey has been inspired and in-fired. And kicked out of Sears for bothering the people with the message of Jesus. Tonight I witnessed one of the most beautiful acts
I got home late tonight. After work I stayed and helped my Pastor with his fathers funeral. Me and two other ladies were the last to leave. Their feet hurt them both. They are a few years older than me and most faithful. Lynn was kind enough to give Mary and I a ride home. As we pulled into my apartment I asked my kids to come and help bring in some of the leftovers from the funeral. My son Jessey comes down the stairs, the one who anointed my hands. Mary had said she wanted Jessey to pray over her feet. As we are unloading, Jessey asks Mary if she needs any prayer and asks her specifically how her feet are. Mary chuckles and says " I just told your Momma I wanted you to pray over my feet some time. Jessey then tells her "Come on up and I will pray over them now." Oh the boldness.
At that point I am hoping somebody had cleaned the house because I had been gone all day. We all march up the stairs and Mary seems especially excited. She is so cute. Jessey has Mary sit down. He places my sweet senior friends feet in his hands and begins his prayer. Mary is very shy about her feet and will not let anybody see them. So she keeps her socks on and allows Jessey to only remove her Shoes. She says they are to ugly to look at. As I am milling around in the kitchen cleaning up a few things, Jessey is extending his faith in the living-room. Jessey is fervently praying over Mary's feet declaring youthfulness back to them. He is waiting for God to do something outwardly. As we all are by this time. What started out as a young man praying for my friends feet has now turned into a Bethany moment.
I then bring him oil to anoint her feet with and he takes Marys socks off, she is telling us nobody has ever seen her feet. He begins to massage her feet, telling her how beautiful they are. She is weeping and Jessey just keeps speaking life and love over her, Declaring healing and asking God to remove the deformations and make her feet line up with the word of God. He then does something that is so intimate and unbelievable. He kisses Mary's feet and tells her he loves her. Mary crumbles. My dear friend who has been a widow for about twenty years and has been quite embarrassed about her feet has just encountered a Holy spirit wrecking ball. This gesture was tender and intimate. Jessey holds those well worn servants feet in his hands and tells her how beautiful they are. That they are precious because they carry one of Gods servants around, doing His work. Mary is weeping, Jessey is weeping and his tears are falling on her feet. I am weeping, My older son is weeping, his fiance is weeping, Lynn is weeping. The love of the Father was being funneled through a fifteen year old boy into a 60+ year old woman and healing was flowing. Healing of the heart. Healing of the soul. A Love so deep, generations were being crossed at lights speeds.
He put her socks back on her and then her shoes and then proceeded to help her up. He hugged her and held her for a while. She said it felt as if Jesus himself had kissed her feet and loved her. And Jessey said "He did."
Matthew 5:40 The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.
Isn't it interesting that as Mary was experiencing the affection of the Father, Jessey was also experiencing Loving on His.
I got home late tonight. After work I stayed and helped my Pastor with his fathers funeral. Me and two other ladies were the last to leave. Their feet hurt them both. They are a few years older than me and most faithful. Lynn was kind enough to give Mary and I a ride home. As we pulled into my apartment I asked my kids to come and help bring in some of the leftovers from the funeral. My son Jessey comes down the stairs, the one who anointed my hands. Mary had said she wanted Jessey to pray over her feet. As we are unloading, Jessey asks Mary if she needs any prayer and asks her specifically how her feet are. Mary chuckles and says " I just told your Momma I wanted you to pray over my feet some time. Jessey then tells her "Come on up and I will pray over them now." Oh the boldness.
At that point I am hoping somebody had cleaned the house because I had been gone all day. We all march up the stairs and Mary seems especially excited. She is so cute. Jessey has Mary sit down. He places my sweet senior friends feet in his hands and begins his prayer. Mary is very shy about her feet and will not let anybody see them. So she keeps her socks on and allows Jessey to only remove her Shoes. She says they are to ugly to look at. As I am milling around in the kitchen cleaning up a few things, Jessey is extending his faith in the living-room. Jessey is fervently praying over Mary's feet declaring youthfulness back to them. He is waiting for God to do something outwardly. As we all are by this time. What started out as a young man praying for my friends feet has now turned into a Bethany moment.
I then bring him oil to anoint her feet with and he takes Marys socks off, she is telling us nobody has ever seen her feet. He begins to massage her feet, telling her how beautiful they are. She is weeping and Jessey just keeps speaking life and love over her, Declaring healing and asking God to remove the deformations and make her feet line up with the word of God. He then does something that is so intimate and unbelievable. He kisses Mary's feet and tells her he loves her. Mary crumbles. My dear friend who has been a widow for about twenty years and has been quite embarrassed about her feet has just encountered a Holy spirit wrecking ball. This gesture was tender and intimate. Jessey holds those well worn servants feet in his hands and tells her how beautiful they are. That they are precious because they carry one of Gods servants around, doing His work. Mary is weeping, Jessey is weeping and his tears are falling on her feet. I am weeping, My older son is weeping, his fiance is weeping, Lynn is weeping. The love of the Father was being funneled through a fifteen year old boy into a 60+ year old woman and healing was flowing. Healing of the heart. Healing of the soul. A Love so deep, generations were being crossed at lights speeds.
He put her socks back on her and then her shoes and then proceeded to help her up. He hugged her and held her for a while. She said it felt as if Jesus himself had kissed her feet and loved her. And Jessey said "He did."
Matthew 5:40 The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.
Isn't it interesting that as Mary was experiencing the affection of the Father, Jessey was also experiencing Loving on His.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
tying my shoe
We walked around a lovely lake because I wanted to. We went to lunch because I wanted to. We bought a latte because I wanted one. We crossed a field because I felt like it. My shoe came untied and my hands were full of a latte and a jacket for the sun was quite warm for this beautiful spring Monday. My husband bends down, asks me to place my foot on his knee and he ties my shoe. As I am watching him do this I notice we are encircled in a patch of wild daisies. Oh my gosh can it get any sweeter. We stroll back to the car and go downtown Seattle. We walked the streets enjoying the smells of bakery's, a variety of ethnic foods and even spring flowers. Our drive home became an adventure for we took side roads and back streets. Just so we had a view of the Puget Sound on our travels home.
Our day was spent dreaming together. He shared how he would love to own his own business again. I shared how desperately I want to go to India someday. We both spoke on how the mission field was calling us. We talked about serious stuff, light stuff, goofy stuff, family stuff, health stuff, AGING stuff... you name we talked about it.
This day wasn't planned, it just happened. There was one intentional thought though, I knew I wanted to spend time with him. No agenda, no clock, and no schedule.
Just a day with my best friend and might I say very good looking husband.
This is quite a sappy blog if you ask me but I am trying to say something here so please bear with me.
There is something to be said about a day that just happens with the one you love. The unplanned things usually become your best memories. The spontaneous trips, the midnight ice-cream runs, walks in the park ...
The is a carefree heart that adds a whistle to your walk when you have these stress-less days. Our hearts are allowed to gush our dreams, our plans, our wants, our desires.
Matthew 11:28 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
I heard this scripture in the Message bible and just fell in love with it. The unforced rhythm of grace! Beautiful! Can it be said any plainer?
Grace that is not forced, Grace that is light hearted, Grace that says "What do you want to do today?" Grace that says "Walk with me." And when your arms are full and your shoes untied, this Grace asks you to place your foot on His knee and He will tie your shoe.
And if your lucky, it will be in a patch of wild flowers.
Our day was spent dreaming together. He shared how he would love to own his own business again. I shared how desperately I want to go to India someday. We both spoke on how the mission field was calling us. We talked about serious stuff, light stuff, goofy stuff, family stuff, health stuff, AGING stuff... you name we talked about it.
This day wasn't planned, it just happened. There was one intentional thought though, I knew I wanted to spend time with him. No agenda, no clock, and no schedule.
Just a day with my best friend and might I say very good looking husband.
This is quite a sappy blog if you ask me but I am trying to say something here so please bear with me.
There is something to be said about a day that just happens with the one you love. The unplanned things usually become your best memories. The spontaneous trips, the midnight ice-cream runs, walks in the park ...
The is a carefree heart that adds a whistle to your walk when you have these stress-less days. Our hearts are allowed to gush our dreams, our plans, our wants, our desires.
Matthew 11:28 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
I heard this scripture in the Message bible and just fell in love with it. The unforced rhythm of grace! Beautiful! Can it be said any plainer?
Grace that is not forced, Grace that is light hearted, Grace that says "What do you want to do today?" Grace that says "Walk with me." And when your arms are full and your shoes untied, this Grace asks you to place your foot on His knee and He will tie your shoe.
And if your lucky, it will be in a patch of wild flowers.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
For the love of Mike
He walked into the store, long gray hair, dirt stained clothes and smelling of a bar of soap. He carried with him a 5 gallon bucket with an orange lid. My guess; his earthly belongings. I smiled, " How are you today?" I asked. With a beautiful Scottish accent and a toothless grin he replied," Just fine darlin'".
"Can I help you find something?" Was my next question. " I need a sterling silver necklace of a cross with a dove. I just have to have a cross." He sounded like a movie star with the way he said his R's. And he was passionate about what kind of necklace and what he wanted it to be. He repeated to me "I just have to have a cross. Jesus has done so much for me." To look at him I knew he was homeless.His statement "looked" contradictory to his appearance.His clothes were old and stained but they were clean. He needed to see a dentist badly and he needed some personal grooming. His eyes were kind and his manners were exceptional. My mind spun with how he was going to afford a $50.00 necklace. I took him to the inexpensive ones first. He was polite and spoke gently that he was needing something that would not tarnish. I showed him our higher end jewelry. He chose 2 cross necklaces. We talked about his homeless camp and how proud he was of it and what he had done with his little patch of land. He shared with me how he had brought in white gravel and made a little path to his tent. He smiled broadly when he spoke of the police coming in to check on the camp and how they praised him for his care of his tent site.
He was ready to check out. I brought his two necklaces to the register and they totaled over $70.00. "Oh Jesus" I prayed "help me help him." I found a coupon a customer had left and I used it on his purchase and it was still over $50.00. He pulled out of his dingy jacket a purple bag with a gold cord. It looked like a royal money bag. In it was a thick pile of bills. In our conversation he never stopped giving God praise. He praised him for all he had and how he would be nothing without his Lord.
Others customers were in line and they were scrutinizing him and leaning away from him. My heart broke as I watched him be rejected for his appearance. In fact he was encouraging a mother to raise her children to love Jesus. The mother was annoyed and veering away from him.
I finished his transaction and gave him his change. I then asked his name, "Michael" He said. "It means,'who is like God'" He was very proud of his name. I told him my name and its meaning. He said "I am gonna be 59 soon.", he looked 79. Before he left I prayed with him. As I was praying his hands reached across the counter and he grabbed my hands and held them tight. I felt my heart squeeze and my prayer became more intense and a bit desperate. When I finished he was clearly touched by it and he was slow to leave.
We said good by and that was it, he was gone. Now here I am unable to shake the encounter with Michael. His name is a question as well as a statement. "Who is like God" He came in as the statement, despised and rejected, of comely appearance. I was the one who was asked the question. Did I do as God would have me? Did I entertain an angel just now? Disguised as a homeless man carrying in him a royal treasure.
I guess my question to you is the same as it is to me. Are we Like Him?
For the love of all the Mikes, are we like HIM!
"Can I help you find something?" Was my next question. " I need a sterling silver necklace of a cross with a dove. I just have to have a cross." He sounded like a movie star with the way he said his R's. And he was passionate about what kind of necklace and what he wanted it to be. He repeated to me "I just have to have a cross. Jesus has done so much for me." To look at him I knew he was homeless.His statement "looked" contradictory to his appearance.His clothes were old and stained but they were clean. He needed to see a dentist badly and he needed some personal grooming. His eyes were kind and his manners were exceptional. My mind spun with how he was going to afford a $50.00 necklace. I took him to the inexpensive ones first. He was polite and spoke gently that he was needing something that would not tarnish. I showed him our higher end jewelry. He chose 2 cross necklaces. We talked about his homeless camp and how proud he was of it and what he had done with his little patch of land. He shared with me how he had brought in white gravel and made a little path to his tent. He smiled broadly when he spoke of the police coming in to check on the camp and how they praised him for his care of his tent site.
He was ready to check out. I brought his two necklaces to the register and they totaled over $70.00. "Oh Jesus" I prayed "help me help him." I found a coupon a customer had left and I used it on his purchase and it was still over $50.00. He pulled out of his dingy jacket a purple bag with a gold cord. It looked like a royal money bag. In it was a thick pile of bills. In our conversation he never stopped giving God praise. He praised him for all he had and how he would be nothing without his Lord.
Others customers were in line and they were scrutinizing him and leaning away from him. My heart broke as I watched him be rejected for his appearance. In fact he was encouraging a mother to raise her children to love Jesus. The mother was annoyed and veering away from him.
I finished his transaction and gave him his change. I then asked his name, "Michael" He said. "It means,'who is like God'" He was very proud of his name. I told him my name and its meaning. He said "I am gonna be 59 soon.", he looked 79. Before he left I prayed with him. As I was praying his hands reached across the counter and he grabbed my hands and held them tight. I felt my heart squeeze and my prayer became more intense and a bit desperate. When I finished he was clearly touched by it and he was slow to leave.
We said good by and that was it, he was gone. Now here I am unable to shake the encounter with Michael. His name is a question as well as a statement. "Who is like God" He came in as the statement, despised and rejected, of comely appearance. I was the one who was asked the question. Did I do as God would have me? Did I entertain an angel just now? Disguised as a homeless man carrying in him a royal treasure.
I guess my question to you is the same as it is to me. Are we Like Him?
For the love of all the Mikes, are we like HIM!
Friday, March 5, 2010
A sunny day
I had the day off and was excited to spend it at home.I started the day with a song in my heart and a sunny day to greet me. My day began with me reading a few Psalms and My daughter reading to me a Proverbs. I felt inspired. I busted into a cleaning frenzy. You know the kind of cleaning only "You" know was done, corners, spot cleaning...etc. I was spot cleaning under chairs, behind corners and even in closets. The whole time I was scrubbing my home I had worship music blaring. It was a crisp, clear Washington morning but still worthy of cracking a window or two open for a while. The kids were at school the husband was gone and I had the house to my self to do as I pleased, and it pleased me to mop, dust, scrub and polish.
During my time of cleaning and worshiping, the scripture in Matthew about the inside of a cup being unclean kept coming to mind.
Matthew 23:25-28 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
Have you ever grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and it had been cleaned but still had particles of who-knows-what on the inside of it? This is the picture I see when I read this scripture. You can't serve anyone with a cup like that. And so it is with our hearts. So, when you pour something into the cup, the crud that was stuck on it is now loose in the drink. The refreshment is tainted with inward garbage. Does that paint a picture for you?
I could hear the Lord speaking to me in this. How He loves to get on His knees and enter my inmost being and clean the forgotten spots, the neglected stains, the accumulated corner clutter. He enjoys the hands-on of taking out the trash. He loves to hear our songs floating out of the windows of our heart mingled with the aroma of His fragrant cleansing Power. Sure, He knows we will get dirty again. He knows our corners will get cluttered and He knows there will be more trash to take out. But that doesn't detour Him.
I think the biggie for me is, I truly want to be used by Him. I don't want any of my junk to be left as residue inside of me, the nasty little left over particles of fear or insecurities floating around in what could have been a refreshing drink for another.
It felt good for me to get on my knees and clean up spills that had been neglected or forgotten. I took the trash out and could here my worship music floating outside my little apartment. It looked clean to me as I stood outside of it. And I knew it was because I was doing the knuckle bleeding cleaning. And now I am outside of it hearing it sing.
I wonder if Christ feels that way after He's spent some one-on-one time with my inner person, a smile drawn across His face as He takes my trash and sin to the incinerator. The feeling of knowing a secret corner, that nobody knew about, was clean. Or the spot that was hidden under a piece of furniture was forever gone and now the living room could finally be rearranged. And then He hears the song...And smiles.
During my time of cleaning and worshiping, the scripture in Matthew about the inside of a cup being unclean kept coming to mind.
Matthew 23:25-28 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
Have you ever grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and it had been cleaned but still had particles of who-knows-what on the inside of it? This is the picture I see when I read this scripture. You can't serve anyone with a cup like that. And so it is with our hearts. So, when you pour something into the cup, the crud that was stuck on it is now loose in the drink. The refreshment is tainted with inward garbage. Does that paint a picture for you?
I could hear the Lord speaking to me in this. How He loves to get on His knees and enter my inmost being and clean the forgotten spots, the neglected stains, the accumulated corner clutter. He enjoys the hands-on of taking out the trash. He loves to hear our songs floating out of the windows of our heart mingled with the aroma of His fragrant cleansing Power. Sure, He knows we will get dirty again. He knows our corners will get cluttered and He knows there will be more trash to take out. But that doesn't detour Him.
I think the biggie for me is, I truly want to be used by Him. I don't want any of my junk to be left as residue inside of me, the nasty little left over particles of fear or insecurities floating around in what could have been a refreshing drink for another.
It felt good for me to get on my knees and clean up spills that had been neglected or forgotten. I took the trash out and could here my worship music floating outside my little apartment. It looked clean to me as I stood outside of it. And I knew it was because I was doing the knuckle bleeding cleaning. And now I am outside of it hearing it sing.
I wonder if Christ feels that way after He's spent some one-on-one time with my inner person, a smile drawn across His face as He takes my trash and sin to the incinerator. The feeling of knowing a secret corner, that nobody knew about, was clean. Or the spot that was hidden under a piece of furniture was forever gone and now the living room could finally be rearranged. And then He hears the song...And smiles.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
healthy competitions
As my family and I watch the Olympics I am awestruck at all the athletes. All there training, hard work, sacrifice and discipline has brought them to this place of competing with the best in the the world. There goal is the gold and their aim is to out do the last performance. These outstanding athletes have given their life to accomplishing outrageous achievements. They need the competition to push them, to drive them, to train.
Their diligence has paid off and their reward is to compete in the world Olympics, the next step in their love of the game. Some of the young people we have watched have outdone there personal best but they still did not win a medal. Somebody was still better. Some have crashed, failed, fallen or had been disqualified. The competition's over before it even began. Yet others have overcome unbelievable odds. They have pushed past there heartache or pain and gave their sport all they had. With broken bones or broken hearts, they performed and competed with such grace. Even if they did not walk away with a medal around their neck, they had conquered something greater. Defeat of the soul.
Earlier this week I was caught in the middle of a competition and I felt like the judge. One person was performing a task that another had done before hand, and doing a much better job at it. Yet, I noticed that this person's goal wasn't about performing well but performing better than the last person. It seemed to be their goal to out do the other but not necessarily excel in the task. And here I am being asked the question of which I prefer. Who Gets the gold? My words of affirmation would be a gold medal around someones neck. (O.k. I may be being a little dramatic, but you can see my point, right?)
The spirit of competition can be a good thing or a very ugly thing. In one way it drives us to excellence. But in other ways our only job may be to out do or out shine our competitor. There is a balance to competitions and it can be done in a healthy way. But when our driving force is to crush another and not to aim for excellence we have missed it. Competition really does seem to be an issue of the heart. We can judge a performance that was better than another, but depending on how the person competed will determine if they ran well.
I am a person who loves justice but not everybody gets a ribbon. Sometimes somebody is better than you no matter how good you are. So it is, when judging a performance, the higher number wins. I am so glad it doesn't work that way in the spiritual race. Hebrews 1:6b tells us He rewards those who earnestly seek him. Our prize has to do with how much we are seeking Him not how well we perform. Phew, what a relief.
As a competitor our best isn't always gold worthy, but it is prize worthy because of the diligence that was put into it. This is why God is such a perfect judge because we as humans, judge with our eyes. We know what "looks" good but He knows what "is" good. He looks at the heart. Diligence is rewarded, excellence is the fruit.
We are called to run in such a way that we get the prize, (The prize being the One we are running after). One may growl before she skies down a dangerous slope, one may crank music and one may sit quietly. Who am I to say which way is best? This same truth applies to other "competitions" as well. We need to fight the good fight, to run a good race and remember we are running and fighting with others who are diligently seeking Him as well. Some may be running with a broken heart or an injured soul and their performance is just the perseverance to finish. Let's make sure we acknowledge that with our teammates. Some may run past our personal best and appear better than us. Let's guard our hearts from jealousy so we run a good race. And sometimes we will run past another. Let's make sure we encourage the one who is slowing down to not give up.
As for judging between competitions, if at all possible, let's leave it to the experts.
1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize
Hebrews 2:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us
Their diligence has paid off and their reward is to compete in the world Olympics, the next step in their love of the game. Some of the young people we have watched have outdone there personal best but they still did not win a medal. Somebody was still better. Some have crashed, failed, fallen or had been disqualified. The competition's over before it even began. Yet others have overcome unbelievable odds. They have pushed past there heartache or pain and gave their sport all they had. With broken bones or broken hearts, they performed and competed with such grace. Even if they did not walk away with a medal around their neck, they had conquered something greater. Defeat of the soul.
Earlier this week I was caught in the middle of a competition and I felt like the judge. One person was performing a task that another had done before hand, and doing a much better job at it. Yet, I noticed that this person's goal wasn't about performing well but performing better than the last person. It seemed to be their goal to out do the other but not necessarily excel in the task. And here I am being asked the question of which I prefer. Who Gets the gold? My words of affirmation would be a gold medal around someones neck. (O.k. I may be being a little dramatic, but you can see my point, right?)
The spirit of competition can be a good thing or a very ugly thing. In one way it drives us to excellence. But in other ways our only job may be to out do or out shine our competitor. There is a balance to competitions and it can be done in a healthy way. But when our driving force is to crush another and not to aim for excellence we have missed it. Competition really does seem to be an issue of the heart. We can judge a performance that was better than another, but depending on how the person competed will determine if they ran well.
I am a person who loves justice but not everybody gets a ribbon. Sometimes somebody is better than you no matter how good you are. So it is, when judging a performance, the higher number wins. I am so glad it doesn't work that way in the spiritual race. Hebrews 1:6b tells us He rewards those who earnestly seek him. Our prize has to do with how much we are seeking Him not how well we perform. Phew, what a relief.
As a competitor our best isn't always gold worthy, but it is prize worthy because of the diligence that was put into it. This is why God is such a perfect judge because we as humans, judge with our eyes. We know what "looks" good but He knows what "is" good. He looks at the heart. Diligence is rewarded, excellence is the fruit.
We are called to run in such a way that we get the prize, (The prize being the One we are running after). One may growl before she skies down a dangerous slope, one may crank music and one may sit quietly. Who am I to say which way is best? This same truth applies to other "competitions" as well. We need to fight the good fight, to run a good race and remember we are running and fighting with others who are diligently seeking Him as well. Some may be running with a broken heart or an injured soul and their performance is just the perseverance to finish. Let's make sure we acknowledge that with our teammates. Some may run past our personal best and appear better than us. Let's guard our hearts from jealousy so we run a good race. And sometimes we will run past another. Let's make sure we encourage the one who is slowing down to not give up.
As for judging between competitions, if at all possible, let's leave it to the experts.
1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize
Hebrews 2:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
ice storm
We went to see our middle son graduate from boot-camp and found ourselves in the middle of one of Oklahoma's worst ice storms. We arrived early Thursday Morning, got our precious 4 hours of sleep before we went to to see our son on his base for family day. It was cold already so when the rain began to fall it felt like syrup. Freezing rain soon coated all of Lawton and every tree, power line and road was encased or covered in ice. By Friday they canceled the graduation ceremony and closed the base to all visitor.
I sat in our hotel room in near tears. We came all this way to see our sons major accomplishment and now we can't see him nor does he get a ceremony to celebrate his achievement. With nothing better to do, we decided to check out Lawton, Oklahoma. We went to find a Starbucks. There was one and it was closed due to the ice storm. Much of the city was without power. We were one of the fortunate people to still have power in our motel. Many people were freezing in there homes. Wal-mart seemed to be the place to go for it was stuffed to the rafters with people getting supplies. This is not where I want to be today.
We heard of a famous place to get a hamburger so I googled it and we followed the directions out in the middle of no mans land. "What is a burger joint doing out here?" I thought. As we drove for miles all we saw was frozen land, swagging power lines and broken trees rolling forever across the land. I half way thought to see a frozen little tumble weed come clinking across the road. As we drew closer to our little red dot on our GPS we could see that someone played a cruel joke on us with the directions. For there was not Cafe. We were in the middle of a unwelcoming, barren land and I couldn't see my son, there was no hamburgers joint and no coffee. I was feeling quite sorry for myself.
I kept praying "Jesus please give us a gift to day, I really want to see my son, Please Jesus, just one little gift. Open the base, Lord, Open doors no man can shut" I prayed this through out our drive.
Rather than turn around we followed the map to the next road thinking it would take us back around. Another cruel GPS joke, for the road was closed. You would think we would learn with all the horror stories but not us. Turning around we had to drive out the way we came in. As we were driving this icy, empty wonderland we slowed down to see a little old lady outside with a hammer pounding at her mail box to open it up to get her mail. Well, we had a good laugh and I said, "She knows the mail will come its a promise from our postal service. And she is chipping away the frozen seal that is keeping her from it." Revelation moment!!!
Psalms 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless
I had been experiencing quite and ice storm in my own life, feeling like my mail box had been sealed and I couldn't get to the messages God had been sending to me.My devotions felt forced. My spirit was dry and I was weary from feeling empty. I needed to be like the little old lady taking a hammer to my mailbox with a full knowledge that my promises had been delivered and I just need to get to them. I didn't start jumping up and down in any incantations, it was more of this quiet awe ha moment. I realized I had accepted the ice over my mailbox. In many things. Waiting on God is a good attitude but taking blows from the enemy while we are waiting is crazy. I was accepting the ice seals, I was letting the enemy bully me in areas with an attitude passiveness. Gross! How did that happen?! Slowly, with one trouble at a time until I was dry and drained of all fight.
Frozen Oklahoma, having an ice seal between me and my son and a little old lady with a hammer reminded me once again of His truth. Trusting God doesn't mean I have to keep being a punching bag for the enemy. For the LORD God is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
Through out the rest of my day all I kept thinking about was all the promises in my mail box, and seeing my son was one of them. I started praying for God to melt the ice, break it, remove the barriers. The Base never did open back up on Friday and as it stood, Ryley was to leave for Kentucky early Saturday morning and that would be it. The Lord is my SUN He was not going to withhold any good thing I was certain of it. We went back to our motel without coffee or lunch, but a new perspective. As we were settling into our motel room Ryley calls. " Hi mom, our flights have been canceled. I have a full day pass for 11 hours tomorrow."
The next day we picked him up and took him to Starbucks. It was open. Our God withhold no good things.:-) In fact Because of the ice storm we got to spend Sunday with him too before our flight left, which happened to be on schedule. Again, He withholds No Good thing!!!!
Oh, and we did find a great place to eat... The Cracker barrel.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
weeping for the lost
Tonight I held my daughter as she wept for her unsaved friend. Sydney has been witnessing to her friend for over a year and Syd has been patient and loving, waiting for her to make a commitment. Tonight during an altar call she was so desperate for her dear friend to choose Christ. Her grief was deep, She cried,"Mom, I don't think she is ever going to make a decision!" As she cried I prayed.
In the message, Isaiah is quoted saying "shed honest tears for the lost harvest"
As I was interceding I was reminded of how long my grandmother fought the same decision. God's unfailing love was enduring enough to wait 94 years for her. Why or how I will never know.
This is what floated through my mind as I prayed for my daughter. That, and I wish I hadn't ate so much garlic.
I shared with Sydney how sovereign God is. He is breaking down walls in her friends life and proving that he is a Father that will never leave her as her real father did. This may take some time, but don't give up on her.
I tried to think of the last time I wept over and unsaved friend. Here lately it was for my grandmother, but before that. When was the last time I grieved for the lost? I mean really grieved for them and interceded for them to come to the Father of life.
I remembered:
We were leaving a women prison in Mexico we had just ministered in. My prayer had been "break my heart for what breaks yours, God"
I had the privilege to preach that day. I prayed with many women and held many mothers as they cried for their children that were living on the streets. I felt completely helpless and wept and prayed with them- Praying for Gods peace, comfort and wisdom. As we were leaving, the grief hit me. It doubled me over, a heartache I could not explain. My dear friend Kim held me as I heaved sobs of a broken heart that I knew was God the Fathers pain.
That was the last time I truly wept for the lost-6 months ago.
I never wanted to forget that pain. Sydney's grief over her friends indecision reminded me to grieve the lost. Cry out for those I love who do not know Him.
Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book
Now I know a person cant walk around boo hooing all the time, This is not what I mean. I think you can grieve without crying. But then there are times it just has to spill out. Your tears become your prayers, the way Hannah's did. These are some of our most powerful prayers when our tears do the work and our words just fall to the ground.
I know for me, Gods is wanting my awareness of the lost to be heightened. To be so keenly aware of a person, knowing when I need to pray for them and when I need to to present the Gospel. Knowing when to be silent. And yes, sometimes weep over them.
Matthew 10:5 Jesus sent his twelve harvest hands out with this charge: "Don't begin by traveling to some far-off place to convert unbelievers. And don't try to be dramatic by tackling some public enemy. Go to the lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood. Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously. The Message
Luke 19:10 "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." NIV
It really is that simple, just tell them Jesus loves them, pray for them, touch the untouchable, and kick out some demons. AND... still love them if they don't make the commitment.
In the message, Isaiah is quoted saying "shed honest tears for the lost harvest"
As I was interceding I was reminded of how long my grandmother fought the same decision. God's unfailing love was enduring enough to wait 94 years for her. Why or how I will never know.
This is what floated through my mind as I prayed for my daughter. That, and I wish I hadn't ate so much garlic.
I shared with Sydney how sovereign God is. He is breaking down walls in her friends life and proving that he is a Father that will never leave her as her real father did. This may take some time, but don't give up on her.
I tried to think of the last time I wept over and unsaved friend. Here lately it was for my grandmother, but before that. When was the last time I grieved for the lost? I mean really grieved for them and interceded for them to come to the Father of life.
I remembered:
We were leaving a women prison in Mexico we had just ministered in. My prayer had been "break my heart for what breaks yours, God"
I had the privilege to preach that day. I prayed with many women and held many mothers as they cried for their children that were living on the streets. I felt completely helpless and wept and prayed with them- Praying for Gods peace, comfort and wisdom. As we were leaving, the grief hit me. It doubled me over, a heartache I could not explain. My dear friend Kim held me as I heaved sobs of a broken heart that I knew was God the Fathers pain.
That was the last time I truly wept for the lost-6 months ago.
I never wanted to forget that pain. Sydney's grief over her friends indecision reminded me to grieve the lost. Cry out for those I love who do not know Him.
Psalm 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book
Now I know a person cant walk around boo hooing all the time, This is not what I mean. I think you can grieve without crying. But then there are times it just has to spill out. Your tears become your prayers, the way Hannah's did. These are some of our most powerful prayers when our tears do the work and our words just fall to the ground.
I know for me, Gods is wanting my awareness of the lost to be heightened. To be so keenly aware of a person, knowing when I need to pray for them and when I need to to present the Gospel. Knowing when to be silent. And yes, sometimes weep over them.
Matthew 10:5 Jesus sent his twelve harvest hands out with this charge: "Don't begin by traveling to some far-off place to convert unbelievers. And don't try to be dramatic by tackling some public enemy. Go to the lost, confused people right here in the neighborhood. Tell them that the kingdom is here. Bring health to the sick. Raise the dead. Touch the untouchables. Kick out the demons. You have been treated generously, so live generously. The Message
Luke 19:10 "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." NIV
It really is that simple, just tell them Jesus loves them, pray for them, touch the untouchable, and kick out some demons. AND... still love them if they don't make the commitment.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
10 years
I have really been excited for this new decade. So much has transpired in just ten years. How I wish I could say it was all wonderful and rosy, but I can't. However, I can say that it has all been good. Every painful step that has brought us to where we are today has had the Master's hand-prints all over them. Even though there were times I was pretty sure He had forgotten us, He most certainly had not!
The year 2000 was the start of a journey that I never would have booked for myself. They were the Titanic years. None the less, I look back on the snapshots of my mind and see a beautiful photo album of Gods grace and mercy during those travels. Pictures of Him carrying me, my family and my broken heart through some pretty uncertain seasons. I can remember a time when I had curled up in a ball on the floor of my bedroom crying out to God to help me forgive, help me let go and help me love.
It has been ten years since I first experienced what true hurt was... a hurt so deep it felt as if someones hand had gripped my heart, and squeezed the life out of it. The pain was deep because I loved deep. This heart pressing anguish came directly from my church and the people I viewed as "family".
That was the beginning of a decade of wounds and lacerations to my soul.
This is such a happy blog, :-) ....
That beautiful pain of betrayal, removal and misunderstandings has been a pressure, but not a crusher. I walked into church this morning with this new revelation; I really know what it is God has placed in my heart. These past ten years of trial and losses have removed things and people. But it has also removed layers of self-doubt and confusion. Sifted of all I thought I wanted, God removed the bulk. And for the first time in a long while things seem clear.
The refiners fire may have removed reputations, friendships and even our home and business, but what was left behind has startled me. I can see the missionary coming forth, The seasoned woman of God that has somewhat of a clue...somewhat. There's a confidence I have never experienced rising up in me. I see my children serving God. I see My husband leading strongly. He leans over to me this morning in church and says, "I want to go to Hatti and help rebuild." Let me pack my bags sweetheart! I'll hold the orphans you help clean the rubble.
I look back on those ten years and they look like a forest fire of hopes, dreams and plans burned up. I can also see how they were my hopes and dreams with the intention of God using them. How foolish I was.
In India, when people pass away they have to go to a certain family to receive the "burial fire" for the cremation. This family is the keeper of the coals that are strictly used for burial ceremonies and it is never to go out. Think about that: A fire that has burned for several centuries that is specifically set aside for the burning of dead things. I like the sound of that.
We need to ask Father God for that flame more often. How many dead intentions, prayers and plans have I had in this past decade? I also know I have had many great inspirations from God in those fires that withstood the heat and the flames.
"Isaiah 6:5-8 So I said: Woe is me , for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of host," Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the alter and he touched my mouth with it and said: Behold this has touched your lips: Your iniquity is taken away and your sins are purged." Also I heard the voice of the Lord saying: "Whom shall I send and who will go for Us?" Then said I, "Here am I! Send me."
I have never wanted it more than I do now, the perfect will of God. Ten years of learning, training, waiting and releasing has created in me a yearning. I stand on the county line at the end of one decade and the start of a new one and I can't wait for what God has in store. My prayer is, "Take your coal Lord, remove what is keeping me from pursuing more of You, Here am I, send me!
The year 2000 was the start of a journey that I never would have booked for myself. They were the Titanic years. None the less, I look back on the snapshots of my mind and see a beautiful photo album of Gods grace and mercy during those travels. Pictures of Him carrying me, my family and my broken heart through some pretty uncertain seasons. I can remember a time when I had curled up in a ball on the floor of my bedroom crying out to God to help me forgive, help me let go and help me love.
It has been ten years since I first experienced what true hurt was... a hurt so deep it felt as if someones hand had gripped my heart, and squeezed the life out of it. The pain was deep because I loved deep. This heart pressing anguish came directly from my church and the people I viewed as "family".
That was the beginning of a decade of wounds and lacerations to my soul.
This is such a happy blog, :-) ....
That beautiful pain of betrayal, removal and misunderstandings has been a pressure, but not a crusher. I walked into church this morning with this new revelation; I really know what it is God has placed in my heart. These past ten years of trial and losses have removed things and people. But it has also removed layers of self-doubt and confusion. Sifted of all I thought I wanted, God removed the bulk. And for the first time in a long while things seem clear.
The refiners fire may have removed reputations, friendships and even our home and business, but what was left behind has startled me. I can see the missionary coming forth, The seasoned woman of God that has somewhat of a clue...somewhat. There's a confidence I have never experienced rising up in me. I see my children serving God. I see My husband leading strongly. He leans over to me this morning in church and says, "I want to go to Hatti and help rebuild." Let me pack my bags sweetheart! I'll hold the orphans you help clean the rubble.
I look back on those ten years and they look like a forest fire of hopes, dreams and plans burned up. I can also see how they were my hopes and dreams with the intention of God using them. How foolish I was.
In India, when people pass away they have to go to a certain family to receive the "burial fire" for the cremation. This family is the keeper of the coals that are strictly used for burial ceremonies and it is never to go out. Think about that: A fire that has burned for several centuries that is specifically set aside for the burning of dead things. I like the sound of that.
We need to ask Father God for that flame more often. How many dead intentions, prayers and plans have I had in this past decade? I also know I have had many great inspirations from God in those fires that withstood the heat and the flames.
"Isaiah 6:5-8 So I said: Woe is me , for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of host," Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the alter and he touched my mouth with it and said: Behold this has touched your lips: Your iniquity is taken away and your sins are purged." Also I heard the voice of the Lord saying: "Whom shall I send and who will go for Us?" Then said I, "Here am I! Send me."
I have never wanted it more than I do now, the perfect will of God. Ten years of learning, training, waiting and releasing has created in me a yearning. I stand on the county line at the end of one decade and the start of a new one and I can't wait for what God has in store. My prayer is, "Take your coal Lord, remove what is keeping me from pursuing more of You, Here am I, send me!
Friday, January 15, 2010
one more gray hair
I found another gray hair this morning!!! I am sure it had appeared this week. After funeral arrangements and a week with my mother, we found ourselves at urgent care with my youngest having pneumonia and me with a ripping sinus infection. This is the thanks I get, an infection, a sick kid and a crown of wisdom...nice.
This Friday morning has been a much slower day. TGIF. The past week is finally done. My grandmothers funeral arrangements were made. My mother took the train home. We are all on antibiotics, and the headache is finally easing off. AHHH!!!
I soaked in the tub this Friday morning and thought of all that had transpired this week. Despite the extra gray hair, I have many reasons to be thankful. So many miracles. I witnessed the hand of God on us and the favor of God that was shown to us through the kindness of others.
We saw it at the funeral home. My grandmother had purchased part of a burial plan but it wasn't enough. They reimbursed us the plan and we were able to take the funds and pay for her cremation. This is rarely done. They even helped us find a less expensive cremation plan through another company.
We finished with all the paperwork and were shown such favor in the lengthiness of it. When Joe and I finished signing it all we thought it would be nice to take my mom to Pikes and just walk the day off. It was sunny and even slightly warm. As we found FREE parking my mom and I walked ahead of Joe. He had ran back to the car because he always has to have a dollar for the homeless people that sell the newspapers. Yes he is an incredible guy.
I turned to witness a beautiful seen. As he was buying a paper from a homeless elderly woman, he then went to help another elderly women get in her car. With people everywhere walking fast and getting to their destination, I am privileged to see this painted before me. Little pieces of life, love and Gods brush strokes are everywhere. The favor, the finances, the sunny day, the kind acts, the peace in the midst of life's storms.
As I soaked in the tub I put some jasmine bubble bath in the hot running water. It smelled amazing. I read the label and it said the Jasmine flower is picked in the dark of night when it is at its most fragrant. This little information went right along with the praise song and psalm I have had been singing in my heart
"Weeping may be for a night but rejoicing come in the morning." Psalm 30:5
There is no other song than the song that comes after the night. It's at the most fragrant and powerful level. There may be pain in the night but Joy, His unspeakable Joy, comes in the morning. His love never fails!!!
I wanted to set my mind on the things above and not on all the commotion that has transpired this past week. Two mission teams came home this week, one from Mexico and one from Thailand. Even in the midst of the all the weeks confusion, God would bring my friends to my mind and heart and I would fiercely pray for them. I thought of how easily it would have been to be distracted, but I had purposed in my heart to pray from them and God held me fast to my commitment. As I wept in the night and prayed in the darkness, God would bring to my mind friends, family and situations that needed prayer. He used my weeping of the night and made it useful and prayerful. "Warful" if that's a word. And now as the week comes to an end and I am one gray hair wiser, I see how important our night prayers are. How fragrant they can be. They usher peace to our sleep and we get to experience how beautiful a morning song is and His mercy's that are new with every sunrise. Our nights may add a little silver to our crown but that's the beauty of silver, its has such a nice contrast with a black drop.
This Friday morning has been a much slower day. TGIF. The past week is finally done. My grandmothers funeral arrangements were made. My mother took the train home. We are all on antibiotics, and the headache is finally easing off. AHHH!!!
I soaked in the tub this Friday morning and thought of all that had transpired this week. Despite the extra gray hair, I have many reasons to be thankful. So many miracles. I witnessed the hand of God on us and the favor of God that was shown to us through the kindness of others.
We saw it at the funeral home. My grandmother had purchased part of a burial plan but it wasn't enough. They reimbursed us the plan and we were able to take the funds and pay for her cremation. This is rarely done. They even helped us find a less expensive cremation plan through another company.
We finished with all the paperwork and were shown such favor in the lengthiness of it. When Joe and I finished signing it all we thought it would be nice to take my mom to Pikes and just walk the day off. It was sunny and even slightly warm. As we found FREE parking my mom and I walked ahead of Joe. He had ran back to the car because he always has to have a dollar for the homeless people that sell the newspapers. Yes he is an incredible guy.
I turned to witness a beautiful seen. As he was buying a paper from a homeless elderly woman, he then went to help another elderly women get in her car. With people everywhere walking fast and getting to their destination, I am privileged to see this painted before me. Little pieces of life, love and Gods brush strokes are everywhere. The favor, the finances, the sunny day, the kind acts, the peace in the midst of life's storms.
As I soaked in the tub I put some jasmine bubble bath in the hot running water. It smelled amazing. I read the label and it said the Jasmine flower is picked in the dark of night when it is at its most fragrant. This little information went right along with the praise song and psalm I have had been singing in my heart
"Weeping may be for a night but rejoicing come in the morning." Psalm 30:5
There is no other song than the song that comes after the night. It's at the most fragrant and powerful level. There may be pain in the night but Joy, His unspeakable Joy, comes in the morning. His love never fails!!!
I wanted to set my mind on the things above and not on all the commotion that has transpired this past week. Two mission teams came home this week, one from Mexico and one from Thailand. Even in the midst of the all the weeks confusion, God would bring my friends to my mind and heart and I would fiercely pray for them. I thought of how easily it would have been to be distracted, but I had purposed in my heart to pray from them and God held me fast to my commitment. As I wept in the night and prayed in the darkness, God would bring to my mind friends, family and situations that needed prayer. He used my weeping of the night and made it useful and prayerful. "Warful" if that's a word. And now as the week comes to an end and I am one gray hair wiser, I see how important our night prayers are. How fragrant they can be. They usher peace to our sleep and we get to experience how beautiful a morning song is and His mercy's that are new with every sunrise. Our nights may add a little silver to our crown but that's the beauty of silver, its has such a nice contrast with a black drop.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
my grandmother
January 10th has found me starting my 4th annual Daniel fast. I have seen the power of a fast in our lives. Three years ago we were warring for my son. He had walked away from God and was cutting a new path that was going to be filled with pain and turmoil. On January 11, 2007, the demonic influence broke off of him and we saw many miracles that year.
I have come to love the intimacy that develops between God and I during a fast. It is different than the average prayer life, It is rich and awakening. Sure it is difficult and trying, that's what makes it so deepening. I run to the Word with every hunger pain, every growl of the stomach causes me to growl for the things I am crying out for in the spirit. Which brings me to this years fast.
The first few hours of the first day of this fast found me at the hospital with my unsaved and very bitter grandmother. To go into detail would take a books worth of words, (Which is in the makings). She was dying. I am her closest relative, besides my mother who lives in eastern Oregon, that was willing to be near her. It wasn't easy for me. She's a very mean person. Yesterday I walked into her hospital room and for over an hour I was annihilated by her bitterness in words and wild eyed glares. "Get way from me, Look what you've done to me, are you proud of yourself, I don't even know you, get way from me, I have no children." They were targeted words that were meant for my mother. My grandmother thought I was her. I wept when I thought of my mother having to hear such words from her, and I was thankful it was me.
I didn't know what to say except, "Grandma, I love you, I'm not going anywhere."
I prayed and cried out to God to help me honestly love her through Him. Her refusal of Gods grace for most of her life has brought her to this place of hatefulness. Most of her children would not come to see her nor did they care that she was dying... most, but not all. My mother was on her way up taking the train. My grandmother had abandoned her children years ago and now their hearts were returning the wound.
During the night my husband and I sat by her bed praying and reading scripture over her. Her life was ending and two eternities were waiting for her. The picture in my head was that of Charles Dickens character, Scrooge, where at the end of his life he saw himself dying alone, as the flames of hell were licking at his feet. This was what I saw for my grandmother. When she was coherent I would ask her if she was ready to see Jesus. "Get away from me with that", she would spit out. As she slipped into her coma I would pray scripture over her as her body twitched and her hands clenched. Even in her dying she was fighting to resist God more than to live, or so it seemed to me.
At 12:25am the atmosphere changed... her agitation was more obvious. My husband said, "You need to ask her again if she is ready." I asked her one last time. "Grandma, Are you ready to see Jesus? Are you ready to go home and be at peace?" As she clenched her fist, I said, "I am going to lead you in a prayer." I prayed the sinners prayer and paused between each petition giving her spirit time to respond. Then, the most beautiful presence of peace entered the room, her body calmed down and her breaching was no longer laborious. My husband and I just sat there staring at each other. Did she just surrender? Are we witnessing this supernatural victory with our physical eyes? After 94 years of running from God, did she finally run to Him? My hope and belief is that she did respond to that prayer.
The first half hour of my 21 day fast started with the meanest person I know, having peace for the first time in her life. She passed away at 5:23 this morning, 5 hours after the prayer. She slept, Psalm 62:1 My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.
When I was preparing to go see my grandmother in the hospital I prayed for an unconditional love. God spoke something straight forward into my being at that moment. He said "If you want to go to nations to declare the Word, you must be willing to walk in these places as well." I knew what He was saying to me and about me. I can hold a person on the streets or in a hell hole and have no idea how they got there or how badly they have hurt their family. I am moved to compassion and I will just love them where they are at. As a minister of the Word we must walk into these dungeons and love people. But the Lord was asking more of me. The Lord was showing me I needed to go farther than that. Unconditional love isn't just about loving people where they are, it's more about loving them and knowing how they got there too.
My request this year, during this 21 day fast, is to see a harvest of souls and for God to send us out even unto the nations. If the first half hour of this prayerful time is any indication of what is to come, I am anxious to see what He has in store for the rest of the year. Psalm 2:8 tells us "Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, and I just realized, My grandmothers quiet decision was like a nation being won. My answer to a prayer started with God redeeming part of my inheritance.
I have come to love the intimacy that develops between God and I during a fast. It is different than the average prayer life, It is rich and awakening. Sure it is difficult and trying, that's what makes it so deepening. I run to the Word with every hunger pain, every growl of the stomach causes me to growl for the things I am crying out for in the spirit. Which brings me to this years fast.
The first few hours of the first day of this fast found me at the hospital with my unsaved and very bitter grandmother. To go into detail would take a books worth of words, (Which is in the makings). She was dying. I am her closest relative, besides my mother who lives in eastern Oregon, that was willing to be near her. It wasn't easy for me. She's a very mean person. Yesterday I walked into her hospital room and for over an hour I was annihilated by her bitterness in words and wild eyed glares. "Get way from me, Look what you've done to me, are you proud of yourself, I don't even know you, get way from me, I have no children." They were targeted words that were meant for my mother. My grandmother thought I was her. I wept when I thought of my mother having to hear such words from her, and I was thankful it was me.
I didn't know what to say except, "Grandma, I love you, I'm not going anywhere."
I prayed and cried out to God to help me honestly love her through Him. Her refusal of Gods grace for most of her life has brought her to this place of hatefulness. Most of her children would not come to see her nor did they care that she was dying... most, but not all. My mother was on her way up taking the train. My grandmother had abandoned her children years ago and now their hearts were returning the wound.
During the night my husband and I sat by her bed praying and reading scripture over her. Her life was ending and two eternities were waiting for her. The picture in my head was that of Charles Dickens character, Scrooge, where at the end of his life he saw himself dying alone, as the flames of hell were licking at his feet. This was what I saw for my grandmother. When she was coherent I would ask her if she was ready to see Jesus. "Get away from me with that", she would spit out. As she slipped into her coma I would pray scripture over her as her body twitched and her hands clenched. Even in her dying she was fighting to resist God more than to live, or so it seemed to me.
At 12:25am the atmosphere changed... her agitation was more obvious. My husband said, "You need to ask her again if she is ready." I asked her one last time. "Grandma, Are you ready to see Jesus? Are you ready to go home and be at peace?" As she clenched her fist, I said, "I am going to lead you in a prayer." I prayed the sinners prayer and paused between each petition giving her spirit time to respond. Then, the most beautiful presence of peace entered the room, her body calmed down and her breaching was no longer laborious. My husband and I just sat there staring at each other. Did she just surrender? Are we witnessing this supernatural victory with our physical eyes? After 94 years of running from God, did she finally run to Him? My hope and belief is that she did respond to that prayer.
The first half hour of my 21 day fast started with the meanest person I know, having peace for the first time in her life. She passed away at 5:23 this morning, 5 hours after the prayer. She slept, Psalm 62:1 My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.
When I was preparing to go see my grandmother in the hospital I prayed for an unconditional love. God spoke something straight forward into my being at that moment. He said "If you want to go to nations to declare the Word, you must be willing to walk in these places as well." I knew what He was saying to me and about me. I can hold a person on the streets or in a hell hole and have no idea how they got there or how badly they have hurt their family. I am moved to compassion and I will just love them where they are at. As a minister of the Word we must walk into these dungeons and love people. But the Lord was asking more of me. The Lord was showing me I needed to go farther than that. Unconditional love isn't just about loving people where they are, it's more about loving them and knowing how they got there too.
My request this year, during this 21 day fast, is to see a harvest of souls and for God to send us out even unto the nations. If the first half hour of this prayerful time is any indication of what is to come, I am anxious to see what He has in store for the rest of the year. Psalm 2:8 tells us "Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, and I just realized, My grandmothers quiet decision was like a nation being won. My answer to a prayer started with God redeeming part of my inheritance.
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