Hiding in the rock

I roll to the left and I then to the right. I pray, I think, I pray some more. "Just go to sleep" I keep telling myself. Myself does not listen and stays awake anyway. Sometimes she is so stubborn. I quote scripture, I cast my cares, I close my eyes and yet I am still awake with a restless heart.

My spirit has been absorbing information that makes my mind want to spin. As I cry out to the Lord for him to make sense out of it, I hear nothing in response. Sometimes ignorance is just plain bliss.

I don't even have a direction with what I am writing, it is just spilling out. As I am crying out to God, this way to early of a Saturday morning, this scripture comes to me in Proverbs 30:26 coneys are creatures of little power, yet they make their home in the crags;"

Well, I instantly felt a connection to the little fellow who is no bigger than a bunny rabbit. I could picture it curled up in a tight little crevice, SLEEPING, and feeling quite safe. My imagination goes wild with what its life may be like. Maybe there's a storm outside, or worse, a predator. But this little critter positions itself between the rocks, out of harms way, resting and waiting. The storms are too big to weather and the lions are too big to fight, so she hides. She shields herself in the rocks where the wind and rain can not get to her and the paws of her enemy can't reach her. She doesn't have to fight nor does she have to be exposed to the elements, she just has to take shelter in the rock.

I think about what my heart is in turmoil with and then I picture it raging outside of my little fortress. I could see myself tucked in between a rock and a hard place, feeling hurt from the roars and growls but knowing this mountain lion can not touch me or reach me. I feel helpless and week, so hiding is better than fighting right now. As I am thinking of the snarls of words, I have to tuck my head lower and lean harder against the rock. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the storm to pass, I push myself deeper in-between the crags or crevices and wait it out.

Sometimes this warrior is just a child. And I have to run into my Fathers solid arms of love and tell Him I am afraid and don't know what to do. Just to have that time in the rock is enough to gather strength and hope. Time spent in the rock during the dark times is enough to draw courage and peace. What goes on behind a rolled stone is quite marvelous. What can happen in a cave is beyond miraculous. Wars that are won because of a quiet tomb-like moment is victorious!

As I am hiding, My Jesus is fighting. As I am resting, My Jesus is warring. As I am waiting, my Jesus is interceding. My down time is His release time.

Let's look back a few years ago, when 11 men went and hid in a room. Hiding from the government who just murdered their Leader, their Father, their friend. And as they are tucked into their crag, Christ is behind a rolled stone. Hidden so well from mans eyes, He is able to sneak all the way to hell and steal the keys of death and kick the devils butt while He's down there. He defeats all storms that may rage against us and closing every lions mouth that may try to devour.

He was between a tomb and a boulder with the appearance of death but with the agenda of life. Life abundant, Life eternal, Life with Joy, Life with peace and Life with power! And when the victory of all victories came to pass, the stone was rolled away and the men who were hiding in their little cave of fear, came face to face with the one who conquered it.

Yes Hiding in the rock is a good thing. It can erupt power, life, joy and strength. It can conquer fear and gobble up death. Then, then...then you can see how your hiding in the rock was actually trusting in your God.

Psalm 18:2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
Psalm 18:31 For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?
Psalm 27:5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
Psalm 31:3 Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Psalm 61:2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Mary's feet

Where do I begin? My son just came into my room and anointed my hands with oil. You may be wondering why, and maybe last week I would have wondered with you. For about a year Jessey's fire has been getting hotter and bigger. He is overflowing with the power and love of Christ. He has received a measure of faith that is astounding me! Our home has been rocked and is busting at the seems with radical faith. This Love he has for God has him evangelizing everywhere he goes. After a powerful conference with Todd White, Jessey has been inspired and in-fired. And kicked out of Sears for bothering the people with the message of Jesus. Tonight I witnessed one of the most beautiful acts

I got home late tonight. After work I stayed and helped my Pastor with his fathers funeral. Me and two other ladies were the last to leave. Their feet hurt them both. They are a few years older than me and most faithful. Lynn was kind enough to give Mary and I a ride home. As we pulled into my apartment I asked my kids to come and help bring in some of the leftovers from the funeral. My son Jessey comes down the stairs, the one who anointed my hands. Mary had said she wanted Jessey to pray over her feet. As we are unloading, Jessey asks Mary if she needs any prayer and asks her specifically how her feet are. Mary chuckles and says " I just told your Momma I wanted you to pray over my feet some time. Jessey then tells her "Come on up and I will pray over them now." Oh the boldness.
At that point I am hoping somebody had cleaned the house because I had been gone all day. We all march up the stairs and Mary seems especially excited. She is so cute. Jessey has Mary sit down. He places my sweet senior friends feet in his hands and begins his prayer. Mary is very shy about her feet and will not let anybody see them. So she keeps her socks on and allows Jessey to only remove her Shoes. She says they are to ugly to look at. As I am milling around in the kitchen cleaning up a few things, Jessey is extending his faith in the living-room. Jessey is fervently praying over Mary's feet declaring youthfulness back to them. He is waiting for God to do something outwardly. As we all are by this time. What started out as a young man praying for my friends feet has now turned into a Bethany moment.

I then bring him oil to anoint her feet with and he takes Marys socks off, she is telling us nobody has ever seen her feet. He begins to massage her feet, telling her how beautiful they are. She is weeping and Jessey just keeps speaking life and love over her, Declaring healing and asking God to remove the deformations and make her feet line up with the word of God. He then does something that is so intimate and unbelievable. He kisses Mary's feet and tells her he loves her. Mary crumbles. My dear friend who has been a widow for about twenty years and has been quite embarrassed about her feet has just encountered a Holy spirit wrecking ball. This gesture was tender and intimate. Jessey holds those well worn servants feet in his hands and tells her how beautiful they are. That they are precious because they carry one of Gods servants around, doing His work. Mary is weeping, Jessey is weeping and his tears are falling on her feet. I am weeping, My older son is weeping, his fiance is weeping, Lynn is weeping. The love of the Father was being funneled through a fifteen year old boy into a 60+ year old woman and healing was flowing. Healing of the heart. Healing of the soul. A Love so deep, generations were being crossed at lights speeds.
He put her socks back on her and then her shoes and then proceeded to help her up. He hugged her and held her for a while. She said it felt as if Jesus himself had kissed her feet and loved her. And Jessey said "He did."

Matthew 5:40 The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

Isn't it interesting that as Mary was experiencing the affection of the Father, Jessey was also experiencing Loving on His.

tying my shoe

We walked around a lovely lake because I wanted to. We went to lunch because I wanted to. We bought a latte because I wanted one. We crossed a field because I felt like it. My shoe came untied and my hands were full of a latte and a jacket for the sun was quite warm for this beautiful spring Monday. My husband bends down, asks me to place my foot on his knee and he ties my shoe. As I am watching him do this I notice we are encircled in a patch of wild daisies. Oh my gosh can it get any sweeter. We stroll back to the car and go downtown Seattle. We walked the streets enjoying the smells of bakery's, a variety of ethnic foods and even spring flowers. Our drive home became an adventure for we took side roads and back streets. Just so we had a view of the Puget Sound on our travels home.
Our day was spent dreaming together. He shared how he would love to own his own business again. I shared how desperately I want to go to India someday. We both spoke on how the mission field was calling us. We talked about serious stuff, light stuff, goofy stuff, family stuff, health stuff, AGING stuff... you name we talked about it.
This day wasn't planned, it just happened. There was one intentional thought though, I knew I wanted to spend time with him. No agenda, no clock, and no schedule.
Just a day with my best friend and might I say very good looking husband.
This is quite a sappy blog if you ask me but I am trying to say something here so please bear with me.
There is something to be said about a day that just happens with the one you love. The unplanned things usually become your best memories. The spontaneous trips, the midnight ice-cream runs, walks in the park ...
The is a carefree heart that adds a whistle to your walk when you have these stress-less days. Our hearts are allowed to gush our dreams, our plans, our wants, our desires.
Matthew 11:28 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

I heard this scripture in the Message bible and just fell in love with it. The unforced rhythm of grace! Beautiful! Can it be said any plainer?
Grace that is not forced, Grace that is light hearted, Grace that says "What do you want to do today?" Grace that says "Walk with me." And when your arms are full and your shoes untied, this Grace asks you to place your foot on His knee and He will tie your shoe.
And if your lucky, it will be in a patch of wild flowers.

For the love of Mike

He walked into the store, long gray hair, dirt stained clothes and smelling of a bar of soap. He carried with him a 5 gallon bucket with an orange lid. My guess; his earthly belongings. I smiled, " How are you today?" I asked. With a beautiful Scottish accent and a toothless grin he replied," Just fine darlin'".
"Can I help you find something?" Was my next question. " I need a sterling silver necklace of a cross with a dove. I just have to have a cross." He sounded like a movie star with the way he said his R's. And he was passionate about what kind of necklace and what he wanted it to be. He repeated to me "I just have to have a cross. Jesus has done so much for me." To look at him I knew he was homeless.His statement "looked" contradictory to his appearance.His clothes were old and stained but they were clean. He needed to see a dentist badly and he needed some personal grooming. His eyes were kind and his manners were exceptional. My mind spun with how he was going to afford a $50.00 necklace. I took him to the inexpensive ones first. He was polite and spoke gently that he was needing something that would not tarnish. I showed him our higher end jewelry. He chose 2 cross necklaces. We talked about his homeless camp and how proud he was of it and what he had done with his little patch of land. He shared with me how he had brought in white gravel and made a little path to his tent. He smiled broadly when he spoke of the police coming in to check on the camp and how they praised him for his care of his tent site.
He was ready to check out. I brought his two necklaces to the register and they totaled over $70.00. "Oh Jesus" I prayed "help me help him." I found a coupon a customer had left and I used it on his purchase and it was still over $50.00. He pulled out of his dingy jacket a purple bag with a gold cord. It looked like a royal money bag. In it was a thick pile of bills. In our conversation he never stopped giving God praise. He praised him for all he had and how he would be nothing without his Lord.
Others customers were in line and they were scrutinizing him and leaning away from him. My heart broke as I watched him be rejected for his appearance. In fact he was encouraging a mother to raise her children to love Jesus. The mother was annoyed and veering away from him.
I finished his transaction and gave him his change. I then asked his name, "Michael" He said. "It means,'who is like God'" He was very proud of his name. I told him my name and its meaning. He said "I am gonna be 59 soon.", he looked 79. Before he left I prayed with him. As I was praying his hands reached across the counter and he grabbed my hands and held them tight. I felt my heart squeeze and my prayer became more intense and a bit desperate. When I finished he was clearly touched by it and he was slow to leave.
We said good by and that was it, he was gone. Now here I am unable to shake the encounter with Michael. His name is a question as well as a statement. "Who is like God" He came in as the statement, despised and rejected, of comely appearance. I was the one who was asked the question. Did I do as God would have me? Did I entertain an angel just now? Disguised as a homeless man carrying in him a royal treasure.
I guess my question to you is the same as it is to me. Are we Like Him?
For the love of all the Mikes, are we like HIM!

A sunny day

I had the day off and was excited to spend it at home.I started the day with a song in my heart and a sunny day to greet me. My day began with me reading a few Psalms and My daughter reading to me a Proverbs. I felt inspired. I busted into a cleaning frenzy. You know the kind of cleaning only "You" know was done, corners, spot cleaning...etc. I was spot cleaning under chairs, behind corners and even in closets. The whole time I was scrubbing my home I had worship music blaring. It was a crisp, clear Washington morning but still worthy of cracking a window or two open for a while. The kids were at school the husband was gone and I had the house to my self to do as I pleased, and it pleased me to mop, dust, scrub and polish.
During my time of cleaning and worshiping, the scripture in Matthew about the inside of a cup being unclean kept coming to mind.

Matthew 23:25-28 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

Have you ever grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and it had been cleaned but still had particles of who-knows-what on the inside of it? This is the picture I see when I read this scripture. You can't serve anyone with a cup like that. And so it is with our hearts. So, when you pour something into the cup, the crud that was stuck on it is now loose in the drink. The refreshment is tainted with inward garbage. Does that paint a picture for you?

I could hear the Lord speaking to me in this. How He loves to get on His knees and enter my inmost being and clean the forgotten spots, the neglected stains, the accumulated corner clutter. He enjoys the hands-on of taking out the trash. He loves to hear our songs floating out of the windows of our heart mingled with the aroma of His fragrant cleansing Power. Sure, He knows we will get dirty again. He knows our corners will get cluttered and He knows there will be more trash to take out. But that doesn't detour Him.

I think the biggie for me is, I truly want to be used by Him. I don't want any of my junk to be left as residue inside of me, the nasty little left over particles of fear or insecurities floating around in what could have been a refreshing drink for another.

It felt good for me to get on my knees and clean up spills that had been neglected or forgotten. I took the trash out and could here my worship music floating outside my little apartment. It looked clean to me as I stood outside of it. And I knew it was because I was doing the knuckle bleeding cleaning. And now I am outside of it hearing it sing.

I wonder if Christ feels that way after He's spent some one-on-one time with my inner person, a smile drawn across His face as He takes my trash and sin to the incinerator. The feeling of knowing a secret corner, that nobody knew about, was clean. Or the spot that was hidden under a piece of furniture was forever gone and now the living room could finally be rearranged. And then He hears the song...And smiles.

healthy competitions

As my family and I watch the Olympics I am awestruck at all the athletes. All there training, hard work, sacrifice and discipline has brought them to this place of competing with the best in the the world. There goal is the gold and their aim is to out do the last performance. These outstanding athletes have given their life to accomplishing outrageous achievements. They need the competition to push them, to drive them, to train.

Their diligence has paid off and their reward is to compete in the world Olympics, the next step in their love of the game. Some of the young people we have watched have outdone there personal best but they still did not win a medal. Somebody was still better. Some have crashed, failed, fallen or had been disqualified. The competition's over before it even began. Yet others have overcome unbelievable odds. They have pushed past there heartache or pain and gave their sport all they had. With broken bones or broken hearts, they performed and competed with such grace. Even if they did not walk away with a medal around their neck, they had conquered something greater. Defeat of the soul.

Earlier this week I was caught in the middle of a competition and I felt like the judge. One person was performing a task that another had done before hand, and doing a much better job at it. Yet, I noticed that this person's goal wasn't about performing well but performing better than the last person. It seemed to be their goal to out do the other but not necessarily excel in the task. And here I am being asked the question of which I prefer. Who Gets the gold? My words of affirmation would be a gold medal around someones neck. (O.k. I may be being a little dramatic, but you can see my point, right?)

The spirit of competition can be a good thing or a very ugly thing. In one way it drives us to excellence. But in other ways our only job may be to out do or out shine our competitor. There is a balance to competitions and it can be done in a healthy way. But when our driving force is to crush another and not to aim for excellence we have missed it. Competition really does seem to be an issue of the heart. We can judge a performance that was better than another, but depending on how the person competed will determine if they ran well.

I am a person who loves justice but not everybody gets a ribbon. Sometimes somebody is better than you no matter how good you are. So it is, when judging a performance, the higher number wins. I am so glad it doesn't work that way in the spiritual race. Hebrews 1:6b tells us He rewards those who earnestly seek him. Our prize has to do with how much we are seeking Him not how well we perform. Phew, what a relief.

As a competitor our best isn't always gold worthy, but it is prize worthy because of the diligence that was put into it. This is why God is such a perfect judge because we as humans, judge with our eyes. We know what "looks" good but He knows what "is" good. He looks at the heart. Diligence is rewarded, excellence is the fruit.

We are called to run in such a way that we get the prize, (The prize being the One we are running after). One may growl before she skies down a dangerous slope, one may crank music and one may sit quietly. Who am I to say which way is best? This same truth applies to other "competitions" as well. We need to fight the good fight, to run a good race and remember we are running and fighting with others who are diligently seeking Him as well. Some may be running with a broken heart or an injured soul and their performance is just the perseverance to finish. Let's make sure we acknowledge that with our teammates. Some may run past our personal best and appear better than us. Let's guard our hearts from jealousy so we run a good race. And sometimes we will run past another. Let's make sure we encourage the one who is slowing down to not give up.
As for judging between competitions, if at all possible, let's leave it to the experts.

1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize

Hebrews 2:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

ice storm

 

We went to see our middle son graduate from boot-camp and found ourselves in the middle of one of Oklahoma's worst ice storms. We arrived early Thursday Morning, got our precious 4 hours of sleep before we went to to see our son on his base for family day. It was cold already so when the rain began to fall it felt like syrup. Freezing rain soon coated all of Lawton and every tree, power line and road was encased or covered in ice. By Friday they canceled the graduation ceremony and closed the base to all visitor.

I sat in our hotel room in near tears. We came all this way to see our sons major accomplishment and now we can't see him nor does he get a ceremony to celebrate his achievement. With nothing better to do, we decided to check out Lawton, Oklahoma. We went to find a Starbucks. There was one and it was closed due to the ice storm. Much of the city was without power. We were one of the fortunate people to still have power in our motel. Many people were freezing in there homes. Wal-mart seemed to be the place to go for it was stuffed to the rafters with people getting supplies. This is not where I want to be today.

We heard of a famous place to get a hamburger so I googled it and we followed the directions out in the middle of no mans land. "What is a burger joint doing out here?" I thought. As we drove for miles all we saw was frozen land, swagging power lines and broken trees rolling forever across the land. I half way thought to see a frozen little tumble weed come clinking across the road. As we drew closer to our little red dot on our GPS we could see that someone played a cruel joke on us with the directions. For there was not Cafe. We were in the middle of a unwelcoming, barren land and I couldn't see my son, there was no hamburgers joint and no coffee. I was feeling quite sorry for myself.

I kept praying "Jesus please give us a gift to day, I really want to see my son, Please Jesus, just one little gift. Open the base, Lord, Open doors no man can shut" I prayed this through out our drive.
Rather than turn around we followed the map to the next road thinking it would take us back around. Another cruel GPS joke, for the road was closed. You would think we would learn with all the horror stories but not us. Turning around we had to drive out the way we came in. As we were driving this icy, empty wonderland we slowed down to see a little old lady outside with a hammer pounding at her mail box to open it up to get her mail. Well, we had a good laugh and I said, "She knows the mail will come its a promise from our postal service. And she is chipping away the frozen seal that is keeping her from it." Revelation moment!!!

Psalms 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless

I had been experiencing quite and ice storm in my own life, feeling like my mail box had been sealed and I couldn't get to the messages God had been sending to me.My devotions felt forced. My spirit was dry and I was weary from feeling empty. I needed to be like the little old lady taking a hammer to my mailbox with a full knowledge that my promises had been delivered and I just need to get to them. I didn't start jumping up and down in any incantations, it was more of this quiet awe ha moment. I realized I had accepted the ice over my mailbox. In many things. Waiting on God is a good attitude but taking blows from the enemy while we are waiting is crazy. I was accepting the ice seals, I was letting the enemy bully me in areas with an attitude passiveness. Gross! How did that happen?! Slowly, with one trouble at a time until I was dry and drained of all fight.

Frozen Oklahoma, having an ice seal between me and my son and a little old lady with a hammer reminded me once again of His truth. Trusting God doesn't mean I have to keep being a punching bag for the enemy. For the LORD God is a sun and a shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

Through out the rest of my day all I kept thinking about was all the promises in my mail box, and seeing my son was one of them. I started praying for God to melt the ice, break it, remove the barriers. The Base never did open back up on Friday and as it stood, Ryley was to leave for Kentucky early Saturday morning and that would be it. The Lord is my SUN He was not going to withhold any good thing I was certain of it. We went back to our motel without coffee or lunch, but a new perspective. As we were settling into our motel room Ryley calls. " Hi mom, our flights have been canceled. I have a full day pass for 11 hours tomorrow."

The next day we picked him up and took him to Starbucks. It was open. Our God withhold no good things.:-) In fact Because of the ice storm we got to spend Sunday with him too before our flight left, which happened to be on schedule. Again, He withholds No Good thing!!!!

Oh, and we did find a great place to eat... The Cracker barrel.