Waiting on the Lord
Is 40:30-31 30 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted;
31But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.
Does this passage mean we will not experience weariness because we wait? No what it means in the Hebrew, is when we wait or hope on the Lord, our running will not feel laborious or toilsome. Our call will not feel like work. Our purpose will not feel like a burden. Our ministry will not feel like a weight. It means when we run we will not grow fatigued.
When we wait, we draw near to God, we warm ourselves by His fire, we cuddle in under Papas arms, we sit at His feat, we drink from His cup, we lean up against Him and breath, we hear His heart beat, we rest in His lap… we wait. And as we wait we are like rechargeable batteries. We are made to run and then to rest and recharge. We are made to keep going for the time we are called so we can go back to God, our healer, our Savior, our resting station and recharge. When we wait, we have strength for the call or assignment, and we shall run and not grow weary, and we shall walk and not faint.
Teach me Lord, to wait.
Psalm 5:3 In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly NIV
Psalm 27:14 Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD! NKJV
Psalm 33:20 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield
Psalm 33:22 Let Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, be upon us, in proportion to our waiting and hoping for You
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
My Memorial Day
Memorial day for me is bitter sweet. I am so grateful to our service men and women who have and are willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice. Three of these brave Heroes know me by name. One calls me aunt and two call me mom.
They serve with dedication, bravery and love for their country and their God! Our nation is blessed to have these three men of valor protecting, standing, advancing and fighting for us. I know the looming possibility of my boys fate but I know the sovereignty of God! He holds our minutes, our days and our breaths. He knows the hairs on our head. He knows when a sparrow falls. How much more...How much more is His love for us?
Although there are days I want to retreat and bury my head in the sand with the fear of the "what ifs" I have to remind myself (and others remind me,) God's Mighty hand is covering and protecting no matter where they are. Be it behind the wheel of a car or in a tank in a war zone.
This weekend is a reminder of those "what ifs" It is also a reminder of the "the ultimate sacrifice" paid by those who were loved deeply by a mother, a father, a grand parent, a spouse, a child. This day marks a moment in time when their life course changed and they live in a day we celebrate one weekend a year.
It is a Sunday service that plays a video, says a prayer and honors our veterans. It is a parade of honor, flags and music it is a sale at retail store. It is a weekend to camp, travel or visit loved ones. It is an extra day off work.
It is also that same weekend those who live in the reality of "memorial days" hold their loved ones tighter, their hearts beat faster, prayers are a bit more desperate, and a parents love for their country has a face of a child on. Their memorial day is spent with a picture, at a wall, a graveside. It is spent on what it was dedicated to, remembering.
Or memorial day could be spent like mine, not wanting to face a day of memories that could some day be mine.
(NKJV) John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.
They serve with dedication, bravery and love for their country and their God! Our nation is blessed to have these three men of valor protecting, standing, advancing and fighting for us. I know the looming possibility of my boys fate but I know the sovereignty of God! He holds our minutes, our days and our breaths. He knows the hairs on our head. He knows when a sparrow falls. How much more...How much more is His love for us?
Although there are days I want to retreat and bury my head in the sand with the fear of the "what ifs" I have to remind myself (and others remind me,) God's Mighty hand is covering and protecting no matter where they are. Be it behind the wheel of a car or in a tank in a war zone.
This weekend is a reminder of those "what ifs" It is also a reminder of the "the ultimate sacrifice" paid by those who were loved deeply by a mother, a father, a grand parent, a spouse, a child. This day marks a moment in time when their life course changed and they live in a day we celebrate one weekend a year.
It is a Sunday service that plays a video, says a prayer and honors our veterans. It is a parade of honor, flags and music it is a sale at retail store. It is a weekend to camp, travel or visit loved ones. It is an extra day off work.
It is also that same weekend those who live in the reality of "memorial days" hold their loved ones tighter, their hearts beat faster, prayers are a bit more desperate, and a parents love for their country has a face of a child on. Their memorial day is spent with a picture, at a wall, a graveside. It is spent on what it was dedicated to, remembering.
Or memorial day could be spent like mine, not wanting to face a day of memories that could some day be mine.
(NKJV) John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The One Legged Man and His Double Portion
“Hey baby.”
“Hi daddy.”
“I got some news”
“What’s that?”
“This time next week I will be a one legged man.”
Silence.
“So the doctors can’t save it?”
“No.”
That conversation took place about two weeks ago. I just returned from visiting my parents and being with my dad during the tragic amputation of his right leg. I had offered up a fierce fight of faith, many people did, yet somehow God seemed it best to have his leg removed. Sometimes the only things that change during those times of warring-prayer are attitudes and faith.
If you have read any of my blogs you would know that my dad is my hero. I am not under any impression that he is perfect or a saint, and maybe that is why I admire him so much. He had lived a life not so pleasing to God during his teens, twenties and thirties, but when he was about to turn 40 he came to know Jesus as his personal Savior. I was almost 10 years old. Because of my dads life before Christ he has a heightened sense of the broken, the weary, the rejected, the down-and-out and the forgotten.
He would be the first to offer a drunk a ride home, a gambler a place to stay, a drug addict meal, a dead-beat a few dollars and the liar a second chance. I have watched my dad stand for those who could not stand for themselves my entire life. Both my parents have this incredible gift of mercy and compassion. It is straight from the throne room of Grace and can only be described as crazy love.
My dad has always stood in prayer for his family, his friends and his church. He is the model of the scripture of “having done all to stand, stand therefore.” He has a little drunk in his home town that loves him to pieces and my dad stands for him when everybody else says “give up”, including myself. When Eddie wobbles in his faith or falls off the wagon my dad stand beside him encouraging him and discipling him and yes many times correcting him like a father would and visiting him in jail.
My dad has warred for his family going toe-to-toe with the enemy. And the enemy has been cut off at the legs. But this time it looks like the enemy cut my dad off. But did he? You see our spiritual legs and fortitude have nothing to do with standing physically in the faith. Its unwavering faith, unmoving faith, and unchanging faith; A faith that digs its heels in the ground sets its face like flint and braces for whatever comes its way. With or without legs a person of this type of faith can stand against any demon, even the demon of infection and gangrene, the demon of diabetes and sickness, the demon of phantom pains and rehab.
The only leg the enemy was aloud to cut off was my dad’s physical one. And the bible says satan has to give back double what he has stolen. This means my dad has three legs in the spirit. A bit of a circus freak perhaps but when you think about it what we lose in the natural we gain in the supernatural. Our demotions in the physical are our promotions in the spiritual. One leg in the natural means three legs in the supernatural. The enemy has no concept of the spiritual truth or he would stop stealing from Gods people right away. But the enemy’s foolishness becomes our double portion. For example; the enemy’s plot to kill Christ resulted in Christ’s resurrection and our forgiveness of sin and portion into the kingdom of God! Jesus’ death resulted in double life. His and ours.
Isaiah 61:7 Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.
My dad has stood for things many people would run from. He has stood for the ones many people give up on. He has stood for causes many people would compromise in. He has stood for what was right even if he was the only one standing. He lead by example, and has stood when it cost him everything. Now he leads with a limp in the natural. But he has always had a limp in the supernatural.
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 3When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Matthew25:34-40
“Hi daddy.”
“I got some news”
“What’s that?”
“This time next week I will be a one legged man.”
Silence.
“So the doctors can’t save it?”
“No.”
That conversation took place about two weeks ago. I just returned from visiting my parents and being with my dad during the tragic amputation of his right leg. I had offered up a fierce fight of faith, many people did, yet somehow God seemed it best to have his leg removed. Sometimes the only things that change during those times of warring-prayer are attitudes and faith.
If you have read any of my blogs you would know that my dad is my hero. I am not under any impression that he is perfect or a saint, and maybe that is why I admire him so much. He had lived a life not so pleasing to God during his teens, twenties and thirties, but when he was about to turn 40 he came to know Jesus as his personal Savior. I was almost 10 years old. Because of my dads life before Christ he has a heightened sense of the broken, the weary, the rejected, the down-and-out and the forgotten.
He would be the first to offer a drunk a ride home, a gambler a place to stay, a drug addict meal, a dead-beat a few dollars and the liar a second chance. I have watched my dad stand for those who could not stand for themselves my entire life. Both my parents have this incredible gift of mercy and compassion. It is straight from the throne room of Grace and can only be described as crazy love.
My dad has always stood in prayer for his family, his friends and his church. He is the model of the scripture of “having done all to stand, stand therefore.” He has a little drunk in his home town that loves him to pieces and my dad stands for him when everybody else says “give up”, including myself. When Eddie wobbles in his faith or falls off the wagon my dad stand beside him encouraging him and discipling him and yes many times correcting him like a father would and visiting him in jail.
My dad has warred for his family going toe-to-toe with the enemy. And the enemy has been cut off at the legs. But this time it looks like the enemy cut my dad off. But did he? You see our spiritual legs and fortitude have nothing to do with standing physically in the faith. Its unwavering faith, unmoving faith, and unchanging faith; A faith that digs its heels in the ground sets its face like flint and braces for whatever comes its way. With or without legs a person of this type of faith can stand against any demon, even the demon of infection and gangrene, the demon of diabetes and sickness, the demon of phantom pains and rehab.
The only leg the enemy was aloud to cut off was my dad’s physical one. And the bible says satan has to give back double what he has stolen. This means my dad has three legs in the spirit. A bit of a circus freak perhaps but when you think about it what we lose in the natural we gain in the supernatural. Our demotions in the physical are our promotions in the spiritual. One leg in the natural means three legs in the supernatural. The enemy has no concept of the spiritual truth or he would stop stealing from Gods people right away. But the enemy’s foolishness becomes our double portion. For example; the enemy’s plot to kill Christ resulted in Christ’s resurrection and our forgiveness of sin and portion into the kingdom of God! Jesus’ death resulted in double life. His and ours.
Isaiah 61:7 Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.
My dad has stood for things many people would run from. He has stood for the ones many people give up on. He has stood for causes many people would compromise in. He has stood for what was right even if he was the only one standing. He lead by example, and has stood when it cost him everything. Now he leads with a limp in the natural. But he has always had a limp in the supernatural.
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 3When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Matthew25:34-40
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Being Still
I have been practicing the art of Being Still and knowing He is God.
As I researched the Hebrew meaning of Being Still, it felt as if I had just discovered a gold mine. It is pronounced Rapha, like Jehovah Rapha, and it means to relax, sink down, let your arms hang to their side, be quiet, rest, be feeble.
As you can see by now, the words Be still are more than just sitting still and more than being silent. It is an action of rest. An action of trust. Fearless to be weak and vulnerable. Let these words sink into your being. Be Still, sink down in the most comfortable chair, rest in silence, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt He Is God!
I believe Psalm 46:10 is the beginning of understanding God is in control of all we bring to Him. Have you ever wept before God because your heart was full of questions you didn’t even know how to ask? As I pray for my boys in the service, this scripture continues to resonate within me.
Intercession is the place when words cannot articulate your heart’s desires, request or burdens, but as your spirit makes supplication, your heart can relax in His presence. You rest in the knowledge that He is God. You can then “Be still”
I am willing myself not to get my hands in the way of the great concerns that lay heavy on my heart or the giant request I have laid before my King; I bring to the throne, My family and their protection, direction in ministry and writing, and the nations my husband and I are called to. These are my hearts cry that many times word fall short to convey. So Being Still on just knowing He IS God and He IS in control can fill a morning of wordless prayers.
I have been invited to Ethiopia and my old nature would be doing all I could to make it happen, but with the help of God and my amazing husband I am waiting. Waiting for a definite yes to resonate, waiting for direction with finances. Seeking, asking, knocking and then...waiting. For His perfect will in my life. His perfect plan for my life, the right people in my life. Its not easy that’s for sure.
I am a horrible cookie maker because of 2 reasons. 1. I get bored waiting and start a new project and forget about the cookies in the oven. And for those people thinking "but what about a timer?" Yeah, I usually forget to set it. Reason number 2. I will tend to OCD and bake way more than we need, eat way more than I should and at the end of the day vow never to make cookies again.
I share this self portrait for a reason. Waiting for something I want can, either get me anxious or busy but rarely restful and still.
Can I encourage you today. Matthew 7:7 in the amplified reads Keep on asking and it will be given you; [b] keep on seeking and you will find; [c] keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.
Each step comes with the beauty of balance in perseverance and patience. Ask, keep on asking, then wait for the answer. Seek, keep on seeking then wait for what you are desiring. Knock and keep on knocking then wait reverently for the right doors to open. As we take these action we must also obey Psalm 46:10 and Be still, relax, know, understand and believe HE is God.
James 1:3 in the amplified sums up all I am thinking of today as I press towards the mark and act in faith, I also act in patience
Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.
As I researched the Hebrew meaning of Being Still, it felt as if I had just discovered a gold mine. It is pronounced Rapha, like Jehovah Rapha, and it means to relax, sink down, let your arms hang to their side, be quiet, rest, be feeble.
As you can see by now, the words Be still are more than just sitting still and more than being silent. It is an action of rest. An action of trust. Fearless to be weak and vulnerable. Let these words sink into your being. Be Still, sink down in the most comfortable chair, rest in silence, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt He Is God!
I believe Psalm 46:10 is the beginning of understanding God is in control of all we bring to Him. Have you ever wept before God because your heart was full of questions you didn’t even know how to ask? As I pray for my boys in the service, this scripture continues to resonate within me.
Intercession is the place when words cannot articulate your heart’s desires, request or burdens, but as your spirit makes supplication, your heart can relax in His presence. You rest in the knowledge that He is God. You can then “Be still”
I am willing myself not to get my hands in the way of the great concerns that lay heavy on my heart or the giant request I have laid before my King; I bring to the throne, My family and their protection, direction in ministry and writing, and the nations my husband and I are called to. These are my hearts cry that many times word fall short to convey. So Being Still on just knowing He IS God and He IS in control can fill a morning of wordless prayers.
I have been invited to Ethiopia and my old nature would be doing all I could to make it happen, but with the help of God and my amazing husband I am waiting. Waiting for a definite yes to resonate, waiting for direction with finances. Seeking, asking, knocking and then...waiting. For His perfect will in my life. His perfect plan for my life, the right people in my life. Its not easy that’s for sure.
I am a horrible cookie maker because of 2 reasons. 1. I get bored waiting and start a new project and forget about the cookies in the oven. And for those people thinking "but what about a timer?" Yeah, I usually forget to set it. Reason number 2. I will tend to OCD and bake way more than we need, eat way more than I should and at the end of the day vow never to make cookies again.
I share this self portrait for a reason. Waiting for something I want can, either get me anxious or busy but rarely restful and still.
Can I encourage you today. Matthew 7:7 in the amplified reads Keep on asking and it will be given you; [b] keep on seeking and you will find; [c] keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.
Each step comes with the beauty of balance in perseverance and patience. Ask, keep on asking, then wait for the answer. Seek, keep on seeking then wait for what you are desiring. Knock and keep on knocking then wait reverently for the right doors to open. As we take these action we must also obey Psalm 46:10 and Be still, relax, know, understand and believe HE is God.
James 1:3 in the amplified sums up all I am thinking of today as I press towards the mark and act in faith, I also act in patience
Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
reflections on 2010
In two days it will be 2011. I can hardly believe we are entering into another year. So much has transpired this past year. As I reflect back I think of pivotal moments that stirred or changed things in my heart. The first starting with me practicing blogging and then the list of life events began: my grandmother passed way, our middle son graduated from boot camp, I started a new job, my second book was published, I went to Mexico with 3 of my 4 children, our oldest son enlisted in the army, my dads health began to fail, my youngest turned 16, my daughter changed colleges.
These memories are frozen in time inside of me. I can recall each day clearly and I can summon up the emotion that is attached to the event as if it were yesterday. The tears of loss, the goodbyes and fears along with the joys of success, victories and triumphs. I rejoice in prayers answered and new roads taken and I tremble with the unknown for my soldier boys in these uncertain times. There are periods it feels as if my heart will cave in with all the worries I carry for my children but then God will swoop in and lift the burden and give me a measure of peace that I will almost feel guilty.
One year has captured the color of change so perfectly. In the famous words of Walt Disney “If nothing changed there’d be no butterflies”, I think on all the changes and can see the butterflies that have come from cocoon like times. Dark, silent and way too long seasons of waiting but the beauty of the breaking-forth’s outweigh all the pain. And if it brings my Savior glory in the end, then I am willing to have my cocoon time.
I can only imagine what this next year will bring. I expect I will be spending a lot of time on my knees as my boys serve overseas. And I also predict God will cover them with His mighty hands and keep them in His perfect will.
As I inspire to finish my third book I try to concentrate on what God has for the year. I always start the year with a Daniel fast and partner with God for what He has in store for our family’s lives and ministry. This will be my fourth year of beginning this way and I have to say it has been incredible seeing the power of God increase with each year. A freshness falls like snow and a warmth of His presence is felt like the summer heat.
I look forward to writing the new things God brings in our lives. I anticipate pain along with joy for our coming year and if I may be so bold, I feel God has given me a word for 2011.
There will be a new construction to take place in peoples lives. He is going to build on what He has started as well as change and remodel a few things. Some will experience add-ons, some renovations, some new foundations and some brand new areas of growth. I see powerful acts of God happening in people’s lives that only can be explained “miraculous” I also expect to see reinstatements in peoples lives. I see fruition coming to those who have been in barren places that is so abundant it’s almost freighting. Due time is coming this year.
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. I truly believe this is the year for the lifting up and the season of due time! Wait for it though it tarries wait for it.
May this year bring you all that you have wept for and prayed for. May it be filled with the presence of God and the Power of Him who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly all that we ask.
Happy New Year and resolve to make it great!
Holly
These memories are frozen in time inside of me. I can recall each day clearly and I can summon up the emotion that is attached to the event as if it were yesterday. The tears of loss, the goodbyes and fears along with the joys of success, victories and triumphs. I rejoice in prayers answered and new roads taken and I tremble with the unknown for my soldier boys in these uncertain times. There are periods it feels as if my heart will cave in with all the worries I carry for my children but then God will swoop in and lift the burden and give me a measure of peace that I will almost feel guilty.
One year has captured the color of change so perfectly. In the famous words of Walt Disney “If nothing changed there’d be no butterflies”, I think on all the changes and can see the butterflies that have come from cocoon like times. Dark, silent and way too long seasons of waiting but the beauty of the breaking-forth’s outweigh all the pain. And if it brings my Savior glory in the end, then I am willing to have my cocoon time.
I can only imagine what this next year will bring. I expect I will be spending a lot of time on my knees as my boys serve overseas. And I also predict God will cover them with His mighty hands and keep them in His perfect will.
As I inspire to finish my third book I try to concentrate on what God has for the year. I always start the year with a Daniel fast and partner with God for what He has in store for our family’s lives and ministry. This will be my fourth year of beginning this way and I have to say it has been incredible seeing the power of God increase with each year. A freshness falls like snow and a warmth of His presence is felt like the summer heat.
I look forward to writing the new things God brings in our lives. I anticipate pain along with joy for our coming year and if I may be so bold, I feel God has given me a word for 2011.
There will be a new construction to take place in peoples lives. He is going to build on what He has started as well as change and remodel a few things. Some will experience add-ons, some renovations, some new foundations and some brand new areas of growth. I see powerful acts of God happening in people’s lives that only can be explained “miraculous” I also expect to see reinstatements in peoples lives. I see fruition coming to those who have been in barren places that is so abundant it’s almost freighting. Due time is coming this year.
1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. I truly believe this is the year for the lifting up and the season of due time! Wait for it though it tarries wait for it.
May this year bring you all that you have wept for and prayed for. May it be filled with the presence of God and the Power of Him who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly all that we ask.
Happy New Year and resolve to make it great!
Holly
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Merry CHRISTmas
We are on the final leg towards Christmas. It is only 4 days away! I pray your home is brimming with family and friends.
As we take time off school or work let’s keep our minds and hearts set on the true meaning of the season. I love the rush of the malls and smells of all the baked goods but without our Savior these fabulous perks are hollow and meaningless. They are just another average day filled with busyness and calories.
As you finish your final stretch, I encourage you to bring to remembrance the very reason we celebrate this “Holyday”. As families travel and gather, let us remember the first travelers that started the journey towards celebrating this glorious day. As gifts pile under the tree, keep in mind the gift that was poured out for us on a criminal’s cross. As we congregate around the table for fellowship and food, recall the gathering in an upper room where His gift of the Spirit fell and empowered the church.
Taking this time to delight in our Savior’s gifts of acceptance, grace, peace and invitation to relationship with God, will bring back the Christ that many are trying to leave out of the season. Say it with conviction when you leave a store, greet a stranger with the fervent message, bless the needy with the hope of what it truly means to proclaim the words “Merry Christmas”. Be the Jesus people need to see, and deliver the gift that the lost need to receive.
It is with a bold heart I say Merry CHRISTmas!!!
Holly Ruddock
As we take time off school or work let’s keep our minds and hearts set on the true meaning of the season. I love the rush of the malls and smells of all the baked goods but without our Savior these fabulous perks are hollow and meaningless. They are just another average day filled with busyness and calories.
As you finish your final stretch, I encourage you to bring to remembrance the very reason we celebrate this “Holyday”. As families travel and gather, let us remember the first travelers that started the journey towards celebrating this glorious day. As gifts pile under the tree, keep in mind the gift that was poured out for us on a criminal’s cross. As we congregate around the table for fellowship and food, recall the gathering in an upper room where His gift of the Spirit fell and empowered the church.
Taking this time to delight in our Savior’s gifts of acceptance, grace, peace and invitation to relationship with God, will bring back the Christ that many are trying to leave out of the season. Say it with conviction when you leave a store, greet a stranger with the fervent message, bless the needy with the hope of what it truly means to proclaim the words “Merry Christmas”. Be the Jesus people need to see, and deliver the gift that the lost need to receive.
It is with a bold heart I say Merry CHRISTmas!!!
Holly Ruddock
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
giving up
“Just give up” was whispered to me in my sleep. For weeks I had been waking up in the early morning with my heart racing in fear. The enemy had been harassing me in my sleep and this was just one of those times. “Give up your dreams and the call” seemed to be his verbatim.
I would contemplate the thought of throwing in the towel during those midnight hours. To just give up on my writing and give myself to work. The temptation was to lay the dreams down because the pipe was getting longer and life was getting shorter. As a working mom and an author I have often wondered when I would get to be strictly a writer. With the constant pressure to just give up and give myself to work and forget about my dreams, I could feel discouragement trying to be my advisor.
Last Saturday the Lord reminded me of a sermon I had preached four years ago. It was titled “The Destruction of Ignorance.” The heart of the message was about close friends brining disaster to our home and for an example I shared the story of my palm tree being destroyed by a new dog we had just adopted from a shelter that had separation anxiety. Out of a panic, he destroyed a palm I had for years and in minutes took it to its roots. With one small remaining stem sticking up out of the pot. After I cleaned up the mess, set it back on its right end, packed the dirt back around its roots and trimmed off the broken pieces it was quite pathetic. To look at it you would have never known that it was a majestic palm; it looked like a new seedling in a big pot. But underneath it was a great root system that declared it was a mature palm.
In church a couple weeks ago one of our pastors gave a word of encouragement. He said, “I sense there are some people in here who feel like giving up. They have been feeling hopeless and discouraged and struggling with the thought of giving up.” I squeezed Joe’s hand as the tears ran down my face. Then last week in church during worship, I had a vision of a giant root. It had once been a great tree of fruition and it was about to bloom again. Then my mind went back to the sermon of the palm tree.
As our senior pastor took the pulpit to preach he was having everybody turn to Psalms 103, I grabbed my bible but my bible landed on Psalms 92. (Don’t you just love it when your bible knows where it needs to fall?) And in my own writing I had bracketed and underlined verses 12-15
The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.
God was reminding me and encouraging me to stay the course and to not give up. He was using my words and sermons I had preached. He was using scriptures I had underlined years ago and He was causing me to recall what I believe in and believe for.
Living an average life of work, bills and food has never appealed to me. However for a time, it seemed easier to let go of the dream and just become another person who once had one but grew old. Of course I want to mature and become wiser but I want the years that God is seasoning me in to be complimentary to the dream He has placed in my heart. As a mother my first dream is to instill in my children to dream and aspire and pursue the things of God. And As a mother I need to lead my example.
I would contemplate the thought of throwing in the towel during those midnight hours. To just give up on my writing and give myself to work. The temptation was to lay the dreams down because the pipe was getting longer and life was getting shorter. As a working mom and an author I have often wondered when I would get to be strictly a writer. With the constant pressure to just give up and give myself to work and forget about my dreams, I could feel discouragement trying to be my advisor.
Last Saturday the Lord reminded me of a sermon I had preached four years ago. It was titled “The Destruction of Ignorance.” The heart of the message was about close friends brining disaster to our home and for an example I shared the story of my palm tree being destroyed by a new dog we had just adopted from a shelter that had separation anxiety. Out of a panic, he destroyed a palm I had for years and in minutes took it to its roots. With one small remaining stem sticking up out of the pot. After I cleaned up the mess, set it back on its right end, packed the dirt back around its roots and trimmed off the broken pieces it was quite pathetic. To look at it you would have never known that it was a majestic palm; it looked like a new seedling in a big pot. But underneath it was a great root system that declared it was a mature palm.
In church a couple weeks ago one of our pastors gave a word of encouragement. He said, “I sense there are some people in here who feel like giving up. They have been feeling hopeless and discouraged and struggling with the thought of giving up.” I squeezed Joe’s hand as the tears ran down my face. Then last week in church during worship, I had a vision of a giant root. It had once been a great tree of fruition and it was about to bloom again. Then my mind went back to the sermon of the palm tree.
As our senior pastor took the pulpit to preach he was having everybody turn to Psalms 103, I grabbed my bible but my bible landed on Psalms 92. (Don’t you just love it when your bible knows where it needs to fall?) And in my own writing I had bracketed and underlined verses 12-15
The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, “The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.
God was reminding me and encouraging me to stay the course and to not give up. He was using my words and sermons I had preached. He was using scriptures I had underlined years ago and He was causing me to recall what I believe in and believe for.
Living an average life of work, bills and food has never appealed to me. However for a time, it seemed easier to let go of the dream and just become another person who once had one but grew old. Of course I want to mature and become wiser but I want the years that God is seasoning me in to be complimentary to the dream He has placed in my heart. As a mother my first dream is to instill in my children to dream and aspire and pursue the things of God. And As a mother I need to lead my example.
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