Saturday, August 28, 2010

the colors of change

I drove to the central part of Oregon to visit my parent this last week. We took the scenic route. It was positively beautiful. The mountain pass, the high desert and the farm land were all stunning. I was surprised to see the colors on the trees changing so soon, beings we are only at the end of August. I kept thinking, "It's too soon to see the leaves change." The changing colors are reminiscent of the season I am in right now. Changes that are coming at me at a lightning fast pace. As I brace for another son to leave for the military, I feel like I am also girding up my heart for other fluctuations. Changes I want to slow down. I am not talking about menopause or saddlebags or even wrinkles. Who wouldn’t want to stop those? No, the changes I am speaking of are the autumns of the heart. Aging I want to bring to a halt in my parents. I want to yell at the clock and say. "Just a little longer with my children." or "I need more hugs from my Mom." or "My dad has more wisdom I have yet to tap into" Yet like the leaves, my life gradually transform. And though the colors are beautiful it is inevitable they will detach from the tree and float to the ground. Leaving the tree to feel empty and gray. Knowing the coldness of winter is right around the corner. This visit to my folks was for two reasons. 1) My son is leaving for boot camp Monday and wanted to say his good byes to his grandparents. 2) My dad had a surgery for his heart. The colors of change are a painful thing. I don’t think I am ever really ready for them. And though I love new things, this experience is one that is an agonizing thrill. Seeing my children become men and women of God has been one of the most striking things to watch. Having parents that are also my friends, has been a priceless treasure. These kaleidoscopes of color have been a welcome surprise in the midst of an “early autumn“. I may not like the rapid approaching change but I can not deny the beauty of the colors.
I am comforted with the truth that the same God that watched over me when I moved out is the same God that watches over my children. I know that when my heart is unsettled and worried about the health of my parents or the well being of my children I am a prayer away from peace.
I know that these vibrant colors of change are bringing growth in my life and in my children’s life. I am highly aware that my children are called to bring change to a lost world. I am keen to the fact that my parents have imparted a blessing in our lives that have brought us to this place we are in right now.
Even though this season has been more difficult than I have ever expected I can see the harvest of abundance in the colors of change.

Isaiah 41:10 I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. 'Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.

Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Restored Dignity

One check point down, two to go. Getting into a prison honestly is a lot more difficult than one realizes. We were going in as a team to bring the Gospel to the women in a Guadalajara prison. I was the one to speak. I had my message prepared and I asked the Lord as we were leaving for the prison, "What is the wisdom of the land?" I waited for His answer and it came in a flood. "Restore Dignity."
As I prayed over His download of wisdom, I looked at the children in the van with us. Along with our team, we had children from a home we worked in Mexico. They were going with us to see their mothers. Some were somber, and some were excited, and some were holding back their emotions. All were quiet. After each gate and check point and approval of heavily armed guards we make it to the main entrance, only to be screened and padded down. We walk through two more gates and we are in. The children run to their mothers. The teen mission group mingles with the women prisoners and the women prisoners smile and try hard to understand our conversation.
For prisoners, they worshipped freely. Some danced, some jumped, but all worshipped. These women were free behind bars. As I watched them worship recklessly my heart went to places of dignified women who worshipped half heartedly and quite contained. For free women are worship can be weak. These precious prisoners held nothing back. It was obvious, they loved their Savior. And it was even more obvious, their Savior loved them.

Restore Dignity. I preached on Hagar and Sari. I shared how when we are mistreated by people we trust; we are being positioned for a promise. God sees us and know us and reminds us there is no boundary to His great love. His love does not see status, money, homes, bars, slave or free.
We danced with the women and their children in the prison and felt the freedom of God behind bars!
Now home and back to the grind, it is hard to forget the liberty that the women behind metal curtains displayed so beautifully. As I walked into church and saw women behind their own bars and caged by their thoughts, past or hurts I couldn't help but think of the broken women that danced in the prison. The truth of the wisdom of the land still rings true. God aches to restore dignity to His women, regardless of which prison they live in.
Restoring dignity to those who have forgotten their promise. Restoring dignity to those who have felt abandon and unworthy of rescue. Restoring dignity to those who have held their hurt deep inside for fear of judgment. Restoring dignity to those who hide the true condition of their heart. Restoring their joy, their value, their dance. To the prisoners both free and behind bars.

Psalm 30:11-12 The Message
You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I'm about to burst with song;
I can't keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can't thank you enough.


When the Lord comes in and restores dignity, an undignified dance comes upon a person. When hope, joy and peace are given back to a temple that has lost it, a spinning twirling jig comes forth. A yehaw so to say. Think of David when the Ark of the covenant was returned. The glory of God comes rolling in and David came spinning out. An undignified dance welled up out of David! When the Glory of God restores a person’s dignity, a pee your pants dance should be the first thing we do. And Believe me, we were in an all women’s prison and it happened, and nobody cared. Because restored dignity has nothing to do with self image it has to do with coming into line with His image! So dance like nobody is watching you today.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Mercy and Justice

He held the baby by his ankle. He dangled in the air. Mothers were crying, "He's mine! No he's mine!" "I can settle this", Thought the king. " We shall split the child in half then each mother can have half a child. "No",screamed the genuine mother. "She can have him."
For a moment the lying mother smiled. For a brief moment she appeared as if she had won her deceitful game. For a split second the true mother thought as if her world had caved in and she had lost her child by giving him up. The court room silenced. Two mothers...one child. The king had no d.n.a evidence to go by. The king heard no attorney to plead each case. The king was the deciding factor in three fates; the infant, the birth mother and the kidnapper.

1 Kings:3 tells us the story of two harlots that both have a baby boy but one of the babies died because the mother rolled over on him. So the grieving mother stole another prostitutes baby. Both of these women are women of the night. Both appear to be unwed. And both are standing before a king in there sin, asking for mercy and justice.
I am a lover of Justice. I hate it when evil prevails. But I am also aware that mercy must be extended to those who are guilty. But Here's my question. Should mercy look as if an injustice is appearing? If mercy is extended to a rapist, isn't that an injustice to victim? If mercy is offered to a kidnapper, isn't that an injustice to the child and the parents?

King Solomon shows extreme wisdom in this scene. Both of these heathen mothers need a measure of mercy to go before the throne. However, when justice is delivered for the authentic mother, mercy is displayed as well. The king sees the heart of both mothers, he gives the baby boy to his natural mother. This is justice.
But, the instigator of this whole ordeal walks out with out even a fine to pay. She leaves a loser but no punishment is administered. This is mercy.

As I toss to and fro this early morning, my heart is settling on areas of my life that I have seen mercy delivered and justice fail. I have witnessed victims dismissed and tyrants ignored. I don't understand these cases nor do I want to dissect them. Being a lover of justice I believe it can be brought with mercy. Even a death row prisoner has the hope of salvation. The creepiest of sinners has the offer of the blood of the Lamb.

Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

This scripture helps to makes sense out of nonsense. Where is the deciding line of justice and mercy. What does the Lord require of us? To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly. The Hebrew meaning of Justly, means "to enter into controversy" We can not change what we will not confront. It is never comfortable but it is rewarding. This is where battles are won and victims are freed. Our eyes must be open to areas of injustices and walk justly and enter into controversy as miserable as it is at times. We can walk justly without judgment.
As for mercy. The Hebrew meaning in this scripture is, "To be kind."
To be kind to the victim as Solomon was with actual mother. And kind to the the one who is guilty, to bring healing and relationship. Mercy, kindness or forgivenss are not condoning the guilty they are cures. Cures for a fallen world. Remedies for broken people. The way Justice works to correct the sinner kindness works to heal them.

Romans 2:4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?

Yes entering into controversy and acting justly can usher in Gods kindness.
Humbly standing for a cause.
Humbly showing a another mercy.
Humbly remembering we were once sinners shown kindness in our filth.

Friday, June 25, 2010

weeping leaders

I sat in his office, sick that I was in the principal's office once again. How do I keep getting into these messes? Don't answer that. Sure I was the kid who would put tacks on a fellow students seat before he plopped down. And yes I was the girl who would sharpen my pencil 800 times. And maybe I was the girl who wrote the answers on her hand during tests...maybe. And maybe I would cut my friends hair during recess. But this time it wasn't my fault. It was another.
I was being asked the questions as to what transpired. Did I see her take the necklace off the rack? Did I see her with the stolen goods? My answer made me ill. I did in fact see my friend, who was the thief, with the items. I went to a christian school and a friend of mine was caught red handed with stolen jewelry. What were those items? Michel Jackson collectibles. This friend was so mesmerized and in love with him she was willing to break the law for his themed jewelry and clothing. Now here I am being questioned by our principal/pastor if I witnessed it. I feared this man. He never seemed too happy with me anyway. Other encounters were usually correcting me, trying to change me, warning me, and now I was required to be a snitch. To betray a friend is never easy. And to be put on the spot by somebody you fear rather than respect, made the situation even more difficult.

The reason this story comes back to my mind is for two reason: 1) This is the 1 year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. And 2) I am reading A Tale of Three Kings, a study of brokenness, submission and authority.
That encounter with my school principal and other leaders who caused my heart to beat faster out of fear, has always inspired me to study what true leadership is and what God sees as genuine authority. I think a quote from the Tale of Three Kings summed it up for me.
I will tell you of my king and his greatness, My king has never threatened me as does yours. Your king has begun his reign with laws, rules, regulations and fear. The clearest memory I have of my king, when we lived in caves, is that his was a life of submission, not authority. He taught me not the quick cures of rules and laws, but the art of patience...My king spoke not of submitting to him. He feared no rebellion...because...because he did not mind if he was dethroned?"
This was being said from one of David's mighty men. This fictitious interview also quoted the warrior saying, " David had authority, but I don't think that fact ever occurred to him! We were 600 no-goods with a leader who cried a lot."
A weeping leader sounds a lot like a man of sorrow. Sometimes I beat myself up because I cry when my heart hurts or I'm afraid. I feel weak when I am scared, and then it occurs to me, as I am sure it is occurring to you now, That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10

I remember when my dad got saved. I was nine years old and I saw him weeping at the altar with his hands raised. I left the pew and stood by him, I couldn't stop my tears. He reached his hand down to me and I took his weathered rough hand. I saw tears streaming down his face and my heart broke. And I never felt safer than when I saw my father weep.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

blank paper

I just made it back from a conference a few days ago and the Lord spoke some wonderful things into my heart. If you will allow me to share them, I would like to tell you what the Lord has placed in my spirit.

During worship, I began to hear in my spirit these words. Although It was me saying it I felt as if I was being spoke to.

At this particular time in my life I feel like a canvas. Unlike other times when I was the pen, or the paintbrush. I would write, draw or create. But not at this moment in time. I am blank.
Waiting for either a message to be written on me or a picture to be drawn. I wait, expectantly, wondering if I will be a song He makes of me, a letter He writes of me, a masterpiece He paints on me. Whatever it is I will resist picking up the brush to add my touch. I will resist the desire to add a color. I will repel the thought of grabbing the pen and describing a picture...I will wait.
I will wait for the word of the Author to be written.
I will wait for the brush strokes of the Artist to be painted
I will wait for the shaping of the Potter to be molded.
I will not add the colors.
I will not frame the art
I will not bind the book.
I will not fold the card.
I will not write the note
I will not pen the story.
I will wait.

( I saw in my spirit's eye these items on a stand)
A blank book waiting to be written. A blank song sheet waiting to be composed. A plain canvas waiting to be painted on. A blank piece of paper awaiting a letter to be written. An envelope waiting to be addressed.

(Then the question)

How do I prepare for the plan God has for me to be positioned for His purpose? What will I do as I wait?

(This was the answer)

I will be a gather of the forgotten seed
A seeker of the hidden seed.
A keeper of the dismissed seed.
A bag for the fallen seed.

This was what the Lord gave me and now I wait for Him to write His story on my life. A new chapter or piece of art work...
Do you ever feel that something is coming but you don't know what? This is how I feel, to prepare for something that is unknown. I am compelled to ready myself and to wait.

I have been here before and am excited for what my Father is doing in me.
Please friend, tell me if you have ever been here before. Tell me what God has done for you after your time of waiting for His brush strokes.
If you pray for me, pray I stay fixed on Him and not become anxious in the process of being on pause.

Psalm 27:4 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Habakkuk 2:2-3 And then God answered: "Write this.Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time.
the message

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

the Eagle and the crows

He sat on top of the pole, regal and poised. He looked around at the traffic, unnerved and unmoved. The rain poured down but he didn't seem to mind. Around his head swarmed two irritated crows. Annoyed at his very presence, the crows swooped down and tried to frustrate this mighty bird of prey, but to no avail. This kingly feathered friend of mine was making quite a statement to me and to the crows. I respected his grace and his presence. The crows however were not appreciating him as much as I. He was displaying to me a stand and a standard. How to be strong and confidant when the crows around you are squawking, trying to intimidate you. And how to maintain your peace when the dark birds are angry with your very existence.

I saw my eagle friend again today and this time he taught me even more about ignoring the crows in your life. As I left work, just before my turn, I was honored with his flight once again. His wings were spread wide, and he was gliding on the currents but not without company. You guessed it. His two familiar pals were dive bombing him and attacking him. However, my glorious creature of a friend, did not flap madly trying to escape the crows, no, instead he was gliding this way and that. Every once in while he would flap his powerful wings a couple times and shoot up even further. The pitiful crows would beat their small wings furiously trying to make him flee. But that just seemed to make the eagles presence that much more stately. These garbage birds just didn't want to share the air. The regal eagle would not be daunted. He owned the sky. He could have soared high above them but instead he enjoyed the currents and ignored the crows.

This time he was teaching me to not run from the irritants. The frustrations that the enemy uses to pester were not to make me flap wildly in fear or anxiousness. Instead, I am spreading my wings and enjoying the way the wind blows under them.
Sometimes the anointing annoys just for showing up. Just for sitting on top of a pole. Just for flying in the same air others want to dominate. Obviously the crows represent, to me, irritants and demonic influences. They also can be those people used by the enemy, squawking and talking. But like the eagle we need to stand and set a standard. We need to soar and maintain our peace even when we are being dive bombed. Free in the midst of oppression. Free in the midst of the words flying. Free in the midst of opposition. Flying free owning the air.
2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

My word to you tonight, if you have been pestered by the crows and bullied by some dark birds. Remember, no matter where you fly, you will always have a few crows to deal with. Follow the example of the eagle who learned how to enjoy the currents and ignore the crows.

Monday, May 10, 2010

one more thing

There he was on the sidewalk. Tucking his filthy shirt in his dirty jeans. A well dressed man on the corner was watching him, sizing him up. As I drove my daughter to school I saw this sad sight and my heart instantly felt for him. I wondered what it was that took him there. As he was trying to smooth his hair with his hands and freshen up, if you can call it that, I passed him by in a matter of seconds. But not without him leaving some footprints on my heart. He made me think of myself.
No, I don't have a drug or alcohol problem. And no, I don't need a hair brush. This man made me think of a person who had one thing to many cross his path. As he kept getting buried in one thing after the other, the problems became to big to conquer. And he quit.
Similar to the way laundry builds up. Just when you think your done, you just have to walk into your teenage sons room and see that you are once again behind. I think that's where I was relating to him. Barely recovering from one problem when the next one comes crashing in.
I am not saying drug addiction is like laundry... but maybe I am. Just hear me out.

A neglected pile of dirty laundry grows because you were to busy or to tired to deal with it. You get so far behind that it will take days to catch up, but while your trying to catch up you still have today's laundry. And then the unthinkable happens. The washer breaks. Now the pile is growing bigger than you think you can handle. Its to much for one person. You need help. Big time! You go to take it to the laundry mat only to find out your car is having trouble and won't start. Because of this you are unable to get to work on time the next morning. You have to call in and loose precious paying hours to take the car to the shop that will cost more than you have to fix it. Taking from the grocery money, you pay to have the car fixed but now you are eating popcorn for two weeks. Still unable to catch up on the laundry because now you have no money for the laundry mat. So you keep wearing yesterdays filth. Life has snowballed on you and you are to far behind to catch up to daily living. One more thing after one more thing, and your mind becomes foggy with yesterdays troubles and today's needs.

As I drove passed the dirty sidewalk man, my thought was, "What was his one more thing that kept him from recovering?" What part broke in his life that brought on the snowball effect? What happened that got so out of control, he lost control of his own life? What was that one more thing for him?

You see, we as believers have a place we can go when one more thing keeps happening. We go to the arms of the Father that gives us peace in the presence of over whelming chaos. When life's "laundry" piles up and we are to broken to handle one more thing, we don't have to lean on our strength to get by. We get to lean on His. We get to lean on our brothers and sisters in the faith. We get to be refreshed by His new morning mercies. And believe me, that next days mercy is anticipated by me. I have learned to wait for it. In my pilgrimage here on this unfair, unpredictable earth, I have learned to understand the power of tomorrow.
It is hope in the midst of despair. Its life to a worn out soul. Waiting for God to handle the one more thing while we rest in His timing, will keeps us from becoming drudged down with the arrows that keep flying at us. As I am walking through the one more thing, I am holding and praying for a friend who is going through hers. And we have the hope that tomorrow will be different.
Palm 33:18-22 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.
One more thing; if you are trying to cope with yesterdays troubles while today's are fast approaching, remember that His mercies are new every morning and tomorrow is just yesterdays today. Breath in deep friend, He has it all under control now.